maygee.fingersprint

what am I gonna do

2011-12-26T05:51:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to feel anymore. I just don't know.
There's a empty hole inside my heart, hollow and bottomless.
I try and try to feel better, tried my best to get rid of all unwanted things and memories, I tried so hard. At some point in year 2011, I thought I finally won but in the end, someday I would burst out of tears and realized once again I'm not done yet.
How am I going to face you, how am I going to stop crying. What am I gonna do to fix all of these crap.
I don't blame you, really.
I just need.. I don't know what I need either.

I've never cried so much in my life. Year 2011 was filled with tears and laughter. I hope my god damn brain could really remember this year coz it would be too long if I blog everything out. I need to fix this messed up creature, me.

Shinning above us.

2011-12-21T19:51:00.000+08:00

7:30am I was lying down on my bed, preparing to rest a while. *phone rings* it was from Elwin

"Maygee, plan canceled."

"Why?"

"Shawne passed"

"Huh? what?"

"Shine shawne passed away, may gee."

"Huh?! What?! c'mon, please don't joke with this."

"No, Maygee. I'm serious."

"What the fuck, please elwin, please don't joke. are you fucking joking. Elwin!"

"Maygee, I'm serious.."

Then I started to notice people were crying from the other side of the phone.. my heart, skipped a beat.

"ELWINN!! WTFUCK!? YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS!!!"

"no maygee, go check his profile on facebook."

There, I saw a wall post from his cousin, Dan.

I see you in the casket, my tears streamed down.

I cannot believe that you're gone, shawne. I just can't.

Rest In Peace, love.

Forever and always, you live in our heart.

Shine Shawne-sy (1993-2011)

2011-10-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

Now Playing - Skyscraper by Demi Lovato.

Hey, strange. I thought I'd hate this song. Turns out, the more often I get the chance to hear this song, the more emotion it seems to contains. I think she really meant to dedicate this song to someone special to her.

It's a full moon night. I wish there's some kind of full moon ritual every month that I can participate and cast magic in a circle. That'd be so magical and fairytale-like right? ♥
As always, full moon never fails to remind me of you. "When I see full moon, I think about you. All the time." I don't exactly forget everything single thing you said to me, see.
& as much as I hate to admit, yes, I am madaeffingdamn forgetful. & it's really not entirely that joyful for me either to keep forgetting stuff. Sometimes I hate the fact that I forgets so easily. To the extend that I wish I could like slice open my brain and fix the damn section that controls my memory.
I'm only getting even miserable day by day.
It's really not your fault, I know. But it is partly your fault, for making me fall so deeply for you. sigh. Can I please, please can I just not hold me tongue here. it's my blog, can I just release everything damn thing outta my head so I can proceed to continue finish up the stupid tedious chemistry lab report before it's too late.
Since I don't have anyone to talk to anymore, talking to myself at a blogger site seems like the best I can do, now. no, not that I like to be emo and pour my lungs out to a lifeless screen. Do I have a choice?
I'm not really that, talkative you see. I just don't talk so much. Unless I'm with the close ones or even better, someone who actually cares and loves me for who I am. & I haven't got into any drama before college. So my life was pretty smooth. Until, year 2011.
it's a rough year, at least to me.
In average, I think I cry about once every week. mmhm, I never thought and never have I acknowledge that I'm actually quite a crying baby until now. Mostly, because of emotionally break down and sometimes, stressed out and once, because of a novel called A House of Night. it's about vamps ;)

This time, I want to be selfish for once. In the name of goddess of the full moon, I pray to you. Fix my soul, give me just enough strength to hold on to until Christmas.

I'm becoming so independent I'm scared of myself. Truth.

Smile always, Forgive quickly.

False psychology fact: When you dream of someone it means he miss you too.

2011-10-12T00:12:00.002+08:00

Funny fact I found out today. When you dream of someone, it doesn't mean that someone misses you. It simply means that you are the one been missing that person. I've dreamt of you. We were cuddling, it felt so real I thought it was real and I wanted to cry the second I woke up from the dream and realized it was all just a dream. Being close to you, and to rest my head against your chest had always makes me feel so warm, secure and safe. I didn't want to, leave that dream.

it was after all, just a dream.

Not that I want to feel this way:

I just can't, I just can't live the way I want to ever since you left. Well, theoretically I left. and yes, I do regret it now. I still do cry sometimes, especially when I hear songs on radio at which the lyrics describe my feelings so well. Better than I actually do when I was trying to maybe, tell myself what's in my head that's bothering my so much.

That email you sent me, was hurtful. I'm not gonna lie and said I didn't feel anything or I didn't read the email at all. I have cried, from the third line until.. I don't know. I cried for about half an hour after finished reading, I think. I could only recall sobbing so much that I almost can't breathe. Looking myself from your point of view, seeing the stupidity in me and what's I've done to you in the past. Truly hurtful, as if a long, sharp knife just slid open my already wounded up heart & soul. I guess I'm just really weak. More than I thought I was. So weak that even I myself, would look down at me. so weak, almost losing the ability to even speak or understand anything.

I took some time for myself to calm down. After 2 weeks, I collected myself and read through the letters again. Well, this time I managed to read through everything with less tears trembling my eyes. Hence, clearer vision so I read repeated a several times. Tears did rolled down my cheek as I continue reading, all the way till the very end. I was sobbing and planning on replying. Don't ever try to say that you didn't meant them and it's not what it sounds like ....etc. Maybe you're right, I did meant them, & you know me well enough. I would explain and try to convince to you that I didn't meant all the words and so on so far. But really is, I didn't meant all of it. Part of it, maybe. I was angry, disappointed, heart broken. What do you want me to do? I can't even complain to myself thru my own blog?

and I realize, it's stupid to open this blog to private. It's my personal thoughts and it should always, always stay private and keep to me, and myself only.

If anyone else wants to get to know me better, they will, in real life.

That was what I did not figure out back then.

I am tired, have to get up at 6 to get ready for college tomorrow.

When will, I start studying. damn, should really stop procrastinating already. please, help yourself maygee!

I still wish for him when the clock strikes 11:11, when I see a full moon, when I see a shooting star, when I throw a penny into a wishing pond, when I blow an eyelash, when I fold each lucky stars. Please, take away his pain and sorrow & make him the man he always wanted to be.

False psychology fact: When you dream of someone it means he miss you too.

2011-10-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

it was at all, just a dream.

Not that I want to feel this way:

and I realize, it's stupid to open this blog to private. It's my personal thoughts and it should always, always stay private and keep to me, and myself only.

If anyone else wants to get to know me better, they will, in real life.

That was what I did not figure out back then.

I am tired, have to get up at 6 to get ready for college tomorrow.

When will, I start studying. damn, should really stop procrastinating already. please, help yourself maygee!

restart

2011-09-25T02:50:00.000+08:00

Been so long since I signed in blogger. Tired of the old blogskin, thought of changing already. Although I loved it, but everytime I look at my blog, all I see if black color background and alot of hairs.. pictures. So, it's time to give it a change. Let's not blog about sad stories anymore, maybe not so much. Or, let's just not make the blog looks miserable, too. hehee

So, yay! I have gone through some of the blogskin on blogskin.com & I discovered a few quite awesome blogskin :D

I have so much to say, but they are mostly indescribable.

I have read the email, 2 days after it was sent. Guess what, I couldn't stop crying already at the second line. I'm not defending myself, but I really never mean it for blaming everything after you. I had nothing to rely on, so all I could was complaining on the blog. But thankyou for the reply, it was 8 pages long. and yeah, wow made me cried a river. but.. I feel a slight happiness.. Finally, I'm hearing from you, gain. after god knows how many months.

I know, you have your problems, you don't get to go online often & you want to be enjoying and be the person you always wanted to be at there, it sort of simbolizes "a new start" huh? Sorry for being such a baggage. Just so you know, I am always wishing for your best. Though I did broke us up, which I very much regretting it right now.

I will still cry, sometimes. the truth is, I still love you. and nothing's gonna change that. Let psychiatrist explain why. All I know is that I never stopped.
I saw the statement below on twitter the other day:
A sagittarius woman can be sharp tongue when hurt. -could this be the reason why I was so emotionless? you probably be thinking this is just an excuse I'm making up to make it up to you..

the only way to stop crying is to stop thinking, and to stop thinking is to stop blogging about you.

let's call it a night.
The moon is so pretty tonight. It feel like the moon is calling me.

it's so unfair.

2011-08-26T03:48:00.000+08:00

Tired of your excuses, but I rather to listen to your excuses & bullshits for not being able to come online than have you to not come online at all. & I'm sure somewhere, somehow you manage to access and view my life without permission. So yes, look at me & the life I'm going through right now.

The smile I put on my face, do they look the same anymore?

I realized I'm slowly getting better at faking a smile.

So unfair. Just ignore me like that. Just ignore my emails like that.

I'm so tired of waiting, so so tired.

I'm even tired from crying.

But I bet you don't care.

Forever, all lies. ALL LIES. (why can't you prove it wrong)

there goes the tears rolling down the cheek.

你

2011-08-12T17:03:00.000+08:00

听着凌加峻的专辑，听着听着泪流了。
让我想起了你。

我好想你

我真的好想你

still breathing

2011-07-30T20:41:00.000+08:00

Can you please save me. I'm dying over here.

Rain & Sunshine

2011-07-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

You made me smile instantly when you start a conversation with me on msn. Then you made me frown when you say goodbye.

You made me realized all the stupidest thing I don't realize and taught me to face the problems when I'm busy escaping from all of it. Then you shatter my heart and made me cry when you sort of scolded me over the internet. It's like as if your words has the power of controlling my blood and soul.

Strangely, I cries every single time after chatting with you. Either at the point when you touch on the topic I used to or didn't used to be, which indirectly brings back all the memories. or the point where you had to go. Maybe it's just me, but you said it as if you were ok with that. As if you have so many things more important than me. As if I was just one idiot from Malaysia that you could chat with to kill off some time. As if I meant nothing to you. Although you said you still care, but action speaks louder than word, syg. Show it if you really mean it. I really don't see that you still care.

Your counter to this probably gonna be you were busy. I get it, you're busy = I'm not that important. Because they say no matter how busy a man is, he will overcome all the obstacles and make no excuse to come see you. providing if he loves you.

What can I do to win you back..? Win.. what a strange word to use at this situation.

words can't describe

2011-07-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do. I don't know. I think the reason I lost myself its because of you. Thinking of you day and night makes me couldn't care less for any other things.

Did you..?

please come back

2011-06-30T15:41:00.000+08:00

I love him and I wish he love me, too. If I could ever let go, if I could ever forget.

Baby, please come back.

Just because we don’t say certain things, doesn’t mean we don’t feel them.

2011-06-28T23:24:00.001+08:00

omgsh so keyute!

This is what people call "self-inflicted". I am making myself to think of you. You are, the best thing I ever had. I heard it from wk that you are currently trying to get rid me from your sight & mind. so yeah, I was pretty sad when I heard that news. VERY, actually. I was heart broken all over again. it's like, you're breaking up with me or something like that. Look, I know you are not reading this now. But I believe someday you will read this. Babe, I love you. I still do. You see, the tears in my eyes can't be controlled. Such a fool. Listen, I never love you less. Even though I did not repeat after you the last time you said you love me, I still do. I just didn't think it was the right thing to do. Because basically, I am a problem and , you were so stress over there I didn't want to add on your stress level. Clearly, I was dumb enough to think of that. Drag things on until now. When there's no turning back. When you had decided to let go, forget me.

I love you, Zen Yang.

There, I said it. Perhaps it's too late.

Here, I want to say sorry. for procrastinating every promises I made with you. at least I had full filled all of them (late), and I'm still keeping it. I will love you forever. I apologize for getting upset with you for no better reason, like for example, vivian. pfft. wtv larh. I also don't know why alright, I just don't like her. I really don't want to discuss about this anymore. andd, sorry for not being there, or not being able to comfort like how you thought I could.. when you're upset. I felt really bad whenever I can't solve your problem (when I end up getting yelling & scoldings from you ) . Sorry for being such a crying baby & needy girlfriend. Was I a very possessive girlfriend? hee. hope not. Sorry for making you to call my cellphone until your bills are so high that your parents gave you lectures. Sorry for always bore you with my shopping spree experience. ( B'coz I only shared it with you & I thought it would mean alot to you,at least to me it does mean a lot) Nah, you're great at relationship. You just need to maybe, start putting more effort at making an event more happening like for example.. Birthday. and ofcoz, a mobile phone. Thank god you already have one now. Praise the lord. Lucky whoever became your next gf :) so, don't make her cry for 3 months k? &, don't make her wait for 18 months to get together kayy. I don't think anyone could beat my record ;) haha

I miss you.

No, I don't want to say good bye.

but, if it's better for you.. then..

vision is blurred.

The biggest mistake I made is to drift apart from someone whom I once had the time of my life with.

2011-06-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

I lost no.3

& nothing was ever amazing anymore in my life.

your hands, babe.

Goodbye

2011-06-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

You never bother to reply my email, do you?
Go ahead and compose an essay length email for all your beloved friends, I mean nothing to you.
Yes, go ahead and make me buy present for someone I once dislike, call me insensitive. You were no difference. I swallow my pride because I loved you, and because I know you would prefer if I befriend her again. I choose to befriend again last time was because I want you to be happy, and I want you to of coz stop nagging to me about how I shouldn't listen to rumors. It wasn't what I heard, it was what I see with my own eyes. The way she talks to you makes me feel uncomfortable, and the way you talk to her makes me feel super insecure. Though the confidence I have in me, I could only feel that insecure when you're with her. Because you know why, your eyes shines when you talk to her, you smile so wide when you talk to her, you care so much for her until the extend that you.. you hurt my feelings. I was only pretending all the time, because I know it didn't worth fighting about it. Because I didn't want to risk loosing you. I know sometimes I lost it, I cried because it was so pain inside. Killing me bit by bit each time.

If you have time to write a long email to her, have time to ask me for her email address, but no time to send me simple reply after I sent you a thousand over emails. Save it. Don't contact me anymore.

Because the next time you talk to me again, you bring back the memories & that's when I start falling back for you.

If you have decided not to come back anymore. Then, just leave.

Count on you? I cried when you sang that song. I thought you meant it.
If you don't want me to go to the airport, be it then. I won't be there. If vivian is who you needed the most, if she was who worth fighting for. Then be it, whatever. I don't care. I don't care. & if that bothers you, I can't do anything bout it anymore. I've said it, I don't like her. The impact she has in you is simply too much. Frankly, I don't like that you still care so much for her. I just don't like it, it's me and I am not going to deny this fact. Each time I see her smile it reminds me of you. Because the signature fake smile she has, you were attracted to.

Good Bye.

IMY

2011-06-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

I miss you. & I love you.
Too afraid to hear your reply to that, that's why I'm never telling you again.. fuckmyself.
Babe, comebacktomepls. I love you.

I thought we are friends.

2011-06-02T01:13:00.000+08:00

I don't even know where to start. Slowly, I am losing all my hope.

I really want to tell you how I feel. But I just don't know how. I am sure of my own feelings now, that is I'm feeling weak & .. I'm feeling that as if my world has fallen apart & I'm living in a whole new dimension. How I wish you are still having the ability to guess my mind correctly, understands me better than myself. How I wish you can ask me what's wrong again. How I wish you are next to me right now.

I kinda miss you. ozy.

So I say I miss you, so I say I can't let go of you, so I say I was wrong & I want you back. it's no use. Because I have gave up on you first & now you won't take me back. Just face it. Just face it..

Biggest mistake I've ever done in my life. & Slowly it leads to the second mistake, and the third, and the forth.. I sorta lost my direction. You were my light house, guide me to the right path.

............ and i lost direction to continue composing this post. so i'll just leave it this way, hanging.

No, You didn't change. I know you good enough. You're just hiding it all along.

2011-05-30T00:14:00.000+08:00

I just heard some shit yesterday. That was like, wow. I didn't see that coming at all.

okay , you know what. forget about that. I don't even wanna blog about this.

I don't want to remember this incident.

People say the more you try to forget something, the longer it will haunt you. fuck that. I am going to forget this shit. Seriously, please take this memory away from me.

Sometimes, it's better to not know something. it's better to think the world is bright and beautiful instead of dull & ugly.

Blue Clouds & Shiny Sun

2011-05-26T06:44:00.002+08:00

The Boys ♥

This was taken at One Utama, the very first time I hung out with them. :) it was Klothilda's Birthday, the girls went back earlier. I was left behind because I had to follow Jason Yee's car back to campus. oh, he's the man in blue jacket. He's real funny.

if it weren't them, I wouldn't be laughing out loud every day in college. Because they are so hilarious!

especially Ah Beng; he is funniest among all. seriously, he makes joke 24/7. and one interesting fact about him is that he does speaks like typical Ah Beng ,only entertaining & makes conversation funnier!

At that time, I haven't got to know .. err actually all of them. Only got slighter closer to Ah Beng first. Because, he so funny! & he always talks to me first. :) I was so glad.

Yup, these are the boys that I normally hang out with if the girls have class. I really like to take more photos. Because times flies so fast, people leave every semester.. with the different individual time-table. Not everyone keep in contact after every semester. Sometimes you just can't help it because the time doesn't fit one another. Yup, I really hope that I can have a camera which allow me to take high quality photos. So that I can preserve the memories. ♥

We have so little photos taken together, I'm so afraid that I will forget the memories we had pieces by pieces. Because I really don't want to forget you. I remember asking you to take photo with me but everytime you turn down on me.. Did you know that it really hurts..? You told me your reason but to me, that's just bull-shit. You look perfect to me. Take care, syg. Wish you all the best at Switzerland.

DEEPEST SCAR

2011-05-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

Boy, you are so silly yet so lovable. Maybe it's your style; hiding your emotions and wounds. Maybe it's easier for you to keep all to yourself. Maybe you think that you're better that way. Or, you're just not good at expressing yourself. Well, tell you what. I've been there. Not being able to express or explain my own emotions. Not having anyone suitable to tell my problem. Or, not wanting to bother anyone knowing everyone has their own problem to deal with, why adding their pressure? Fuck that, what friends are for? To get fuck up together & laugh together someday when we grow older. But now I just want to give you a hug. If you want to know some truth, all of us been worried bout you all the time. & especially when you lost the most important person in your life. You were so strong, so strong. For all the more reason, you shall be happy. I am glad that you invite me into your most private region, and I ain't so shock when I read those actually. 'cause I sorta knew deep down there, everyone has a story to tell. I was just shock that you actually has a tumblr or blog. haha. I'm glad, buddy. I'm glad. & I love you. as friend, dude. I know I probably cannot be the one you can express feelings to all the time, but here I wish that one day you will not need that particular someone anymore. Cause I hope all your grief will be off completely. & by the way, blog more <3 it does help to bring down stress level. :) Love, Maggiemee ♥

HEADS DOWN

2011-05-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

What makes my day: You text me to talk with me, or ask about me, or tell me something happened around you.

What spoils my day: You text me to ask for numbers, not bother to ask about me. You text to ask about the rest, but not me. Your short reply after I sent you an essay. Your super late, short reply. The way you arrange the sentence, as if you don't care about me already. Or, you don't want to anymore.

RECIPROCAL

2011-05-21T13:50:00.001+08:00

521. Just in case the world ends today, I just want to remind you that I still love you. I don't care what you say, what you think it's right for me, or what you think it's good for me or for you, it's my heart & I rule my own heart. You say don't chat so often, what the hell. You say no need to talk so often. I just couldn't bear the pain when you said those sentences. It is as if you don't need my existence anymore. & god knows why I cry when you push me away. Too difficult to hold back the tears, tell me how please. Or cast a spell on me so I don't cry anymore. You're pushing me away, whenever I approaches. Or is this only hard for me..? But every time I think back, I pushed you away too. what comes around, goes around? guess it's true.

Babe, please come back. I beg you. Please don't leave me. I was wrong. But now you want to move on, guess it's all too late? If you really want to move on, please stop talking to me. Stop texting me. Stop everything, please. Please don't.

Do you honestly think I have moved on? I never did, I never want to move on. Because I want you back. Can you please.. don't ask me to move on, ever again?

I know what I did, I know how deep I've hurt you. I regret, k. I fcking regret. Can I take back, pls. But I knw I can't. Damage already been done. How can I ever forgive myself for being so selfish. How, I kept thinking I don't deserve to be loved. But you loved me with all your heart. How could I pushed you away. I was so dumb, so idiotic, so stupid, so selfish. How do we end up here this way? Slowly falling.

I cry, & I cry again. Regretting every single selfish move I took on you.

Babe.. please.. I don't want to end this. I love you, please come back. I'm desperate now. I can't live without you. What my brain tells me to do, is either we don't talk forever or I will never be able to move on. it's impossible. I want to talk to you, I want to know everything about you, I want to regain what I lost. But then again it was me who let go of what means the most.

How to let yo know what's in my mind. What rights is there to disturb you with my non-sense now. I don't think I deserve you anymore. Sincerely I think you don't want me anymore, which kills me inside. (haven't I did the same to you?fuck myself) now you had your revenge, I committed suicide. can you take me back..

Why you ask my to keep our memories.. you're not taking them back, are you? say you want me back, please. i guess it won't happen anymore. i wanna end my life. i'm trying my best to stay strong. i don't cry anymore. but i'm so vulnerable whenever i'm with you. what is wrong with me?

I can cry forever if I don't stop now.

The Script taught me how to move on.

Greenday taught me that government's gonna fail someday.

Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love

Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through

Travis taught me to be generous

Taylor Swift taught me not every girl is going to treat me right

30 Seconds to Mars taught me to speak whats on my mind

Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me

Music taught me to live

- a person from youtube.

can I be honest with you?

2011-05-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

An urge of sending you a text arise, I distract myself by doing something else. eg, watch tv, go online, watch "How I Met Your Mother" which is a GOOD series, I don't watch Glee because it reminds me more of you.

Things happens everyday. I'm trying to remember as many as possible so that I can tell you when you comes back. Then also, I do not know if you will listen to me. I really don't know what do you do in Switzerland. You always say that you're busy but you never really explain further. Sometimes I hope I can borrow the mirror from Doraemon so that I can look at you sometimes. So unfair that only I sends you email and you never reply. Are you that busy? Cannot even space out ten minutes to send me a short reply.. although it disappoints me every time I signed in my mail box, but your text messages always made my day. :) makes me smile all day~

Can I tell you I miss you sometimes? ♥

I kinda, do miss you a lot.

I've been praying to god lately. Please heal all his problems, dissolve them away and never return..

babe

2011-05-10T16:22:00.000+08:00

hey syg, how are you? i really miss you. i miss you like crazy. there is no way that i can ever forget you. i already not looking at those papers you left it with me, in my room, up there in my cupboard. and i forbid myself from opening that cupboard. it's like if i ever read those papers again i will end up crying like a baby again. tho how much you've hurt me, or ripped me into pieces, i still love you. i don't want anyone else, babe. i just want you. you're my soul, the air i breathe. i'd trade my life for your throat. i'd trade my hair for your throat, my scars for your throat, my wealth for your throat. i just want you to not suffer anymore from that. i really love to see you sing. when you sing, you light up this whole world; when you sing, you make me smile. babe, i miss you. i miss you. and i wish you be happy at switzerland. stop asking me to forget you please. i can't. come back please.

PASSWORD

2011-05-09T00:55:00.000+08:00

When I had to created a new password for my taylor's ID thingy so that I can check in that stupid stuff called blackbord7(bb7) to check notes/hw etc.

Your name automatically came into my mind. & yes, my password is your name. In fact, I've changed a few of my password for several site to your name. Heh, how is this going to help me forget you?

I type your name almost everyday. Wish me good luck in letting you go eh? It's not that I can't, It's that I don't want. Therefore I can't. I don't want you to vanish from my life. I'd like you stay as long as possible. as long as eternity. Ily.

once again.

2011-05-07T05:57:00.000+08:00

Yes, you're the reason. The reason I smile, and also cry.
Once again, I've cried because of you. Hey, your words are just that powerful ain't they? You just let it out and breaks my heart, after that you just disappeared into thin air without an apology. Great move.
Yes, yes you. All this while, you are the one that made me cry. Just by thinking of you, tears me apart. So, tell me. Is this a little revenge you putting on me? Is that why you still keep in touch with me? So you can take revenge on me? Like you used to do? Huh?

I thought,
people will try their hardest to not hurt the one they love.

I thought,
at least I still have you who will never hurts me.. when the world turns down on my and the sky went dark. But, it turns out to be you. You, who gave me the hardest heart-ache.

I thought,
You love me.

the reason why

2011-05-05T02:05:00.000+08:00

you're the only reason why i'm still blogging, facebooking, and tweeting. i haven't tell you i miss you. but i really do. i don't want to mess up your life anymore. i'll leave you alone. but i miss you like hell. i miss you, i miss you. can't switzerland be like ten feet away from my house? damn it.

come back to me

2011-05-04T16:33:00.000+08:00

As much as I hate to admit it. Yes, I miss you. Each time I look at your face on every pictures I kept, my heart went sore and those tears are trembling in my eyes. I still love you. I still do. If you ask me again now, I will say yes. I will. I will marry you if you ask me to.

& I am crying here thinking about you.

I miss you, Ooi Zen Yang.

Can you come back to me? Please.

"nock-ta"

2011-04-30T03:01:00.000+08:00

i don't even know whether should I continue telling you about my life anymore. maybe not anymore. maybe not anymore. this blog will be set to private i guess. when you want to know, then you tell me.

Call me?

2011-04-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

Hey.. Diary.. Guess you're pretty lonely at this hour ey?

I'm lonely too. Weird huh. I should be studying, instead.. I'm online blogging. Shame on me. I am kinda weird.. I shall everyone prefers texting over calling? I kinda belongs to the minority.. I really like listening to real voice from another person. So whenever I get calls, I get excited and.. often don't really want to put down the phone unless that person is really annoying, or has a bad voice.. I'm weird, I'm particular about voices. But texting is fun too, in a way. When you just want to ask a few short question or maybe when you want to show some affections. But I think it is always better to talk over the phone when it comes to serious question? Well, I believe everyone has different opinions on this topic. I used to prefer texting over calling tho. Those are the times when I text a lot, I mean a lot. and I never call. nor do I receive any call from anybody. But, things change. & I really love calls now. It's just.. you feel that you're closer to that someone when you heard their voice. It feels Real. You can hear their emotions.. their voice and, all that cannot do by sending messages. Anyway, I cut down on texting recently because of my stupid phone or line, whichever.

Jey Son & Khai Yi called me today. One asked if the karaoke on Friday still on anot and the other asked if I can have breakfast tmwr. It's just weird, I like phone calls. :) It shows how much you care? idk.

Still, I really miss talking on the phone.. I miss listening to voices on the other side of the phone. It's like high-light of the day to me.

Good Night, sweet dreams.

i hate nokia phone, digi line.

2011-04-26T19:35:00.001+08:00

I HATE NOKIA PHONE, DIGI LINE.
I don't even know when my message is sent or not! Beetchhhh. Even it is in my sent box, people is telling me that they haven't receive my text. JOR. So I end up calling everyone for small small thing sometimes. Burning my credits like mad also. but anyway that's not the point, the point is, I HATE NOKIA PHONE/DIGI LINE laa! I don't even know whether it's the phone or the line! ugh.

whatever. can't do anything, ain't go no money to buy a new one.
I'm going to wait for one day when my parents are happy, lovey dovey, extremely good mood, and finally buy me a new phone. whatever phone they give me, as long as it is not , NOT, nokia.
I remember the last my dad bought me the nokia phone even he knows that I don't like nokia phone. I thought it was fine because it has a dictionary which is..kinda useful for me. & it's not good to reject something a dad got for his girl.. I really appreciate it.
Anyway, I hated the keypad. It's extremely loud, I mean LOUD. It can wake up the whole neighborhood. Even my dad himself got annoyed to it twice, when I was texting in the car. Actually, I would really love an iPhone or Blackberry.. Hee :p
So yeah, I might have texted you but you didn't get it.. so I'm sorry.
Pray for me that I'll get a new phone soon, and I'm probably going to change my number since.. I already lost most of my contact when my previous went dead and not functioning anymore.. )': I kinda like my current number tho.. maybe I should ask digi to check for me.. Oh, if I get an iPhone, I am so not going to dl Angry birds. but I am so going to dl tap tap game :D got addicted to tap tap game. & I will dl a lot a lot of nice songs into the iPod ♥ Ehehe, already dreaming.

♥

I really should avoid myself from any distraction at the moment.. I need to study and.. nutrition is a difficult subject. I might only reply/ call back anyone after my test tmwr. Don't really want anything else to distract me because I was very much distracted for my Calculus test. Which made me cried and went to bed instead of doing revision.. Thankgod the paper turned out to be easy. ahaha. so yeah, I will contact everyyyyone after my test because my break is startingggggg!! :D PARTEYHHH BABEHH! I wanna use this time, to reconstruct my messed-up life. Gotta start with.. my bedroom! it's so messy, gotta clean 'em up :) then I wanna print out nice photo taken during special occasion with all my friends! all of 'em who mean so much to me. & paste them all over in my room :) ahahas, because of every circumstances we're not seeing each other so often anymore so I'm gonna make my own chance to see your faces hun. Then I'mma going to party all night long ♥ In the mean time, get my license done! =D

Start making reservations? hahah. naw, I don't have any plan yet so far. maybe one or two, or three actually. But I have 19 days man. Book me fast! hahahahaha :p Let's party.

Addictions.

2011-04-25T21:35:00.002+08:00

my new addiction

OH ♥ & HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.

I am totally in love with that series! I'm only at 5th episode but I already got hooked up to it! It's sooooooo addictive.

I don't care what other thinks, I want my wedding cake to be like this. As colorful as this ♥

Have I told anybody about my special thing for rainbow or colorful stuffs?

Because I really love rainbow.

Whatever that's colorful and preteyh. Because I LOVE variety ♥

Today, I saw rainbow! In my bathroom! While I was bathing! Now, how cool is that? huh? haha :p

I was wearing contact and it was.. mid afternoon? around 3pm. The sun was shining and the water splashed on my head, don't know how very small & tiny water "sprinkles"? would formed and tadaaaa~ A rainbow was formed before my eyes! I could literally touch it. It's so beautiful. I stood under the shower head and watched the rainbow for quite a while, wasted some water but.. I made my own rainbow~ :D I'm such a happy girl. It's so kewl, you know. The rainbow was soooo beautiful. It was like.. you know like when the "sprinkles of water"..? erm, I don't know how to put this.. hmm, it's just, so magical. It's just very magical.

Rainbow is magical.

Brooms & Sticks.

2011-04-25T13:33:00.000+08:00

Brandon James Pereira :'( gonna miss you!!!

@ Aeroline in Pyramid, Brandon was about to leave Selangor and back to Penang. Didn't get to spend much time with him although he came down for 2 days. Because he and some more other guys went to KL for Damien's dad wedding on Saturday. He left on Sunday, at least got to see him for 3 hours and more before he left. He's super nice man. Very very kind person. Haven't seen him got mad before. & he never cries. I remember Jasmine told me that he never cry anymore after his father's death. All all the shit happens to him.. Sometimes I really really kesian him and start thinking life is unfair. Actually, life IS is unfair.

& Damien!! He's leaving to Canada in 2 months time )': He's going to live with his brother and father over there. in 2 months. I wanna spend more time with youu!!! D': I'm gonna miss you too. We must the biggest party ever okay!! A 3-days party ;) ahahah. tak puas ah, I wanna spend more time with you. Everyone is leaving, we need to catch up more often already. Sean Loo, just came back from Canada and he's going back there today. Ahaha he is so muscular now already that his head look so small now. Take Care, Sean :) all the best in Canada~

Benjamin Lim!

He's also leaving to UK in maybe 2 years time. But.. not going to see him very often also because he is studying at Nottingham University at Nilai. So he's only coming back twice a month )':

everyone is separating apart.

I miss the past. I really miss it. But I guess we all have to go through this phrase and be strong. I believe one day we will meet again & we will laugh together at our old jokes and idiotic story :) Girls, I miss all of you. No matter how much have you guys changed. Whether did you get a new bf, new friends, new habits or whatever. We'll stay friends right? even if you smoke, I still love you guys. C'mon, comparing cigarettes to a 5 years friend? I sorta immune to the smell already, got trained from college man for passing by Starbucks everyday. Ahahah

♥

let's go rob the bank & go shopping next Monday ;)

It's been a while since I last cried.

2011-04-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

I think I have something to blog about but it's very weird I don't know how to put them in words. I'm just, all I have in my head now is I have to move on. &, even after all the mistakes that I've made, learn from it and never repeat it again.. I need to find myself again. Maybe, one day I'll go on an adventure. When I find me, throw a welcome back party for me?

This is odd, but.. Never say never.

hit me back like a wave

2011-04-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

it is coming back. it is so familiar. makes me wanna stab myself again. thank you. could this be your purpose just yet? hire an assassin and kill me. I give you the permission. please, do.
eye lids are heavy.
you are drowning me.

Hollow Heart

2011-04-22T00:04:00.001+08:00

So Close

YOU.
Yes, You! You you you you, because of you larhh! I'm so moody already. I've realised this fact very long ago actually, that I'm very dependent on you. Actually, I'm very, extremely dependent. I never wanted to be independent. I'm not independent at all, & sometimes I feel tired for being independent. So whoever that allow me to depend on them a lot, I would really depend on them A LOT automatically. I could have taken them for granted sometimes. But I'm being very careful for not doing so. In certain extend, college did taught me to be more independent. But sometimes, it makes me feel so tired that I just want to lay down and hoping to depend on someone else. At least, someone who would listen to me sincerely. Uhh anyway, you absence today totally made me sad instantly.

ahahah, complaint a bit only larr. :D I wanna strawberry cake and mango ice-cream ♥

Must go Backofen tmwr ♥
Their pies are so deeelicious omgosh. Can't wait.

It's Friday, friday, friday~ gonna get down on friday~ HAHAH.

Dark and Gloomy

2011-04-20T18:34:00.002+08:00

Hello, Wednesday ;)

ohmaih GOSH. I left my phone at home today. Meaning I was "phone-less" at college. Have you ever experienced the naked feeling when you don't have your phone around? Felt so insecure. & I usually depend on my phone for time. so yeah, ffffffff. Funny thing I realized about Taylor's is, there's no clock around!! seriously, tak adah kelok. Except inside library lah. anddd, this place call Norweigen Sandwich. They have 2 clock showing different time, one KL time and another one Australia? I'm not sure. I wasn't very panic tho, surprisingly calm. Chose a nice place, sat down, took out laptop and eheheh. cam-whored ;) the background very nice mer. hahah. No, seriously. I purposely chose that place oneee ♥

my fringe is kinda annoying.

after a while, decided to start walking around to test my luck. To see if I can bum into Jocelyn or not. Well, I didn't bum into her but I bummed into someone who knows her timetable :) Jaafar. Actually, it is because he knows Shawne's timetable and Jocelyn has the same timetable with him. so yeahh, lucky? :p So I walked and walked and walked, continue testing my luck to see which is her classroom. BOOM! I saw Vivian. She saw me and it was obvious that her class was having a test and she is thinking of something realllly hard. I waved and sat somewhere near the classroom, used my laptop while waiting for their class to be over.

no handphone ); so bored. so, #$%&

After a while, one group of people has emerged from a lab. Their class is over and they were making quite a lot of noise, of coz larh attract my attention right? ;| when something/somebody/whatever small thing that moves and make noise out of sudden, it's a reflex lar human tend to turn and see what happened. I ma turn and look lar. This BITCH (a guy apparently) stared and me a while and then, wteff he sang soooo damn freaking ass loud "LONELY~ I HAVE NOBODY~ I MISTER LONELY~"

OMFG, did you expect me to not hear that, you farking retarded kid? Stare into my eyes and sing lar you arsehole. Nothing better to do. Don't mean to be rude but I could be hundred and one percent sure that you were making fun of me, beetch. I was like, wth? What did I do to you, beetch? what the hell are you singing?! BTW, you sounded horrible. If you would go for any singing competition, you'd be eliminated just by introducing yourself. GTH.

oh, turns out Jocelyn didn't come to college. She has stomach-ache. So poor thing right..? ): Moreover she missed a class test. Not good loh. So I had lunch with Shawne instead. omgoshhh I had super oily friend rice. err, it is called sweet and sour omelet fried rice. But all that I can taste is OIL. Langsung takde sweet or sour taste lar boss. I demand refund. damn oily, couldn't finish it also. & omgosh they used processed veges! you know, the carrot that comes in perfect square shape and the yellow corn that is absolutely tasteless? Hmph, whoever give me this kind of trash food some more I'll hire a lawyer and sue him/him.

sigh, one more english essay to go. UGHH.

I missed calculus class )': because of stupid english!!! haih. it's okay, managed to catch up using Shu Ping's book :) her writing is so neat! She so keyute ♥ love her! Found out one thing about her today, that is she MUST watch a movie every week. & she doesn't mind to watch alone :0 so kewl. don't care. next time i must watch with her!!

I pray hard that I can do well for both Calculus and Nutrition test next week. *Pray hard* 'coz there's no more hope left for English already. haih. Decreased my interest in English loh seriously. 90% of my stress came from English, not exaggerating man.

that's it for now, bye-e

SUPERWOMAN

2011-04-19T20:45:00.001+08:00

omg i wantttttttt !!! everything in this picture. Yes, everything.

I want that blazer, that nail polist, that braceletsss, that cute floral bottom, that bagggggg omgoshhh ♥

I totally want to be rich. ): hahah, yeah i knowwwwww. i'm very demanding larh.

i can't at least dream about it meh? :p

i hope .. I can buy things without having to look at price tag one day. heehs.

the day after eternity?

TeeHee

i am strong (: i am fine

so you be happy, stop worrying. tell me more about yourself kay ♥

because you know why, you don't bloody have a blog! haha, kidding. looking forward for the next 7pm-9pm.

i'mma no need to sleep tonight~ lets cramp for the last day because I ain't no gonna stress for english anymore ;) let's remember this bitter moment rushing english assignments. ahaha. I'm doing this for you, Miss Thava. Mwah! haha.

no more ENGL 101. where's the bottle?!

celebrate with me~ party in the U.S.A~ ahaha. i'm so full of crap.

♥

ps: how I wish writing essay is as easy as blogging. make my laif so much easier omg. heh, i bummed into Michelle Emelda Chong like, 4 times today! :D shh, i kinda like her tho. she seems nice.

wake up in the morning, a big frown on my face.

2011-04-19T09:41:00.000+08:00

I fall asleep. forgot to bathe. EEEWWW.
eheheh, I know. I was too tired. and too lazy to think. baiii the way, I smell okayh.
so I got up and get ready for college. ahah, didn't charge my phone again.

Calculus starting in about.. 5 minutes. sigh. Subject that makes me scratch my head three thousand times in one hour forty minutes.

*virtual hug*
♥

cam-whored day. hahahah

2011-04-18T18:40:00.000+08:00

Can you believe? I'm at college, it's Monday, and I'm not moody ! :D I hope this feeling will last. *fingers crossed*

Had impromptu writing just now during english class. ahh, whatever. I think I've flung my whole english course. I wrote in pencil and I think Miss Thava will get headache after reading my essay, because my writing is super cursive so today and .. I wrote very lightly today so it's quite hard to read.. Anyway, what is done is done. I'll just move on.
I was supposed to do research for english essay. ugh, whatever. do it later. So I was exploring my laptop.. heheh. Hello, webcam ;) I remembered the last time I used this build-in webcam in my laptop was with.. I think Jeffrey,WenKiat & ZenYang.. Or was it Nicole,Jasmine and Jocelyn? ahh,either one. I don't have those photos anymore because my laptop has been sent to repair more than four times and each time they reformat it. ):

heheh, i was bored lah kayh.
to entertain you alsoo hehee. ;p

:) i'm bored.

;(

o_0

at 24/7 study room. hohhmaieffgawd it is freezing cold inside there!!!

anywayyy, while waiting for jocelyn I went to library. and.. ^&*#)$_ i couldn't find any plugin point!! soooo bengang because my laptop was running out of battery! yeah, so I found this place.. finally! got plugin :) but but.. I was exposed to UV ray. Sunlight!! damn hot. but no choice ): I gotta charge my laptop. in the mean time, i cam whored again. muahaha. :p

cool leh, library pun ada reception centre. damn big somemore. woo~ taylor's library is damn awesome.

damn hottt!!

see my nails ;) nicole painted for me.

where is jocelyn?!!!!!!

at home ;) Jocelyn came to my house and haha, we cam-whored again. today is like the cam-whored day ;D

HAHAHA!

MESSY WEIYH.

SAMPAT.

I <3 THIS

how beautiful <3 hahah.

pig nose + senget face <3

how keyyute!!!

the end ;)

lovely day larhh. muacks!!! @ JOCELYN LIM LI KEI.

sleepeyh

2011-04-18T18:11:00.000+08:00

don't know. i just really want to lie in your arms and sleep.

because I'm really sleepy and sleeping in someone's arm has always been a small fantasy of mine. hahs.

Just another Sunday Noon

2011-04-17T14:41:00.001+08:00

Dear blog,
It's been two days since I last blogged? So here it is. I've been chilling ever since the last presentation I did in college. It was.. okay. At least I dare to say it was BETTER than the one I did for English class. That, was horrible. I don't want to talk about that anymore. I was shivering in front of the whole class. You can even see my shivering from ten miles away. That's how much I shivered. It was real bad. Anyway, I've been escaping for the reality. Yeapp. Chilling and not doing anything. Not using my brain, especially. Forgot about the world or @#(*$ homework or pending assignment. I had a hard week. Can't I rest a while? So yeap, tomorrow is Monday & have I mentioned this before? I think I had, like 123456789 times already. I HATE MONDAY. Mmmmhmmm, because it is when I get mentally pharked by reality aka college agian.

Whatever, forget about college. Calculus, essay, essay, essay is awaiting for me. @#%* screw youhh!
right, recently, I've been listening to radio alot. & also youtube. hmm, funny. or weird..? I found out that so many songs are relating to me..? my life..? it's so weird. & after listening to that particular song I'd get all emo and mushy inside? Idk. it's just weird. I don't like it tho. Because ~~mostly~~ all of those songs are .. so call sad/emo/angry/love song? yeah. I don't like the way it relates to me although it is, really describing it in such a way that I would say, almost perfect. I am not going to elaborate how each song relate to me because there are way too many things to describe. maybe I'd say one.. next time larh.

OHOH!! do you know about this wayyyy hotter, cuter, cooler version of Justin Bieber??
:DD
You got to start updating yourself if you don't know who this hot chick is! Dani Shay!! <3
She seriously look like JB so freaking alot. I think, maybe. jb's dad has been whoring around. haha just kidding. Case like this is normal but it's just so cool to have see this happening on .. a celebrity like justin bieber . haha. I'm typical. whatever. :p

if you haven't check out this video, you sooo need to watch this. i don't want to say this but you're lame if you're thinking " just because she looks like justin so I must watch this shit?! pfft! " ahh come on, take a chill pill. if you don't like, just move your mouse point and click at the close button on the top right. But, no harm right watching? Btw, I think I'm turning into a lesbian after watching her video <3 i love herrr. she so kewl.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ru84WuSfpQ&feature=relmfu
idk why I can't embed the video )':

Talking to the moon

2011-04-13T21:05:00.004+08:00

Eyes are sore, contact lens are dry.

I must be so glad that I never had a blade rest inside my pencil case.

What am i suppose to do

2011-04-13T18:58:00.001+08:00

I MISS YOU SO FREAKING MUCH. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO.. I'VE NEVER FELT SO INSECURE BEFORE. PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RETURN MY SOUL. BII.. I FEEL SO ALONE. I'M SO SCARED THAT I WOULD DO SOMETHING STUPID SOMEDAY. AGAIN, CRYING BY MYSELF. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. I WISH I STILL STAY IN ERIA, THE HOUSE I USED TO LIVE IN AND COMFORTABLE WITH. THIS HOUSE SIMPLY GIVES ME TOO MUCH MEMORIES. AND THE SIZE OF IT OFTEN MAKES ME SLACK TOO MUCH. I DON'T WHY BUT IT HAS THAT EFFECT ON ME. WHY AM I TURNING LIKE THIS. WHY. I'M SO DEPRESSED ALREADY. WHAT SHOULD I DO. WHAT SHOULD I DO. I'M SO USED TO DEPEND ON OTHER PEOPLE. I THOUGHT THAT I COULD BE INDEPENDENT BUT HELL NO, I'M SUFFERING. IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT COLLEGE. IT'S .. EVERYTHING. I WISH I COULD TURN BACK IN TIME. & GO BACK TO DECEMBER. STOP, TEARS. STOP RUNNING DOWN MY CHEEKS. YOU'RE BLURRING MY VISION. I WISH I CAN JUST GET SICK NOW. AND BE PHYSICALLY WEAK. SO I CAN CRY IN THE EXCUSE OF PHYSICAL PAIN. READ BACK WHAT I'VE TYPED, THEY DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. I DON'T MAKE SENSE. NO.. DON'T CALL ME PLEASE. I'LL JUST END UP CRYING. AND I DON'T WANT TO CRY WHEN YOU CALL.. I DON'T WANT YOU TO HEAR MY CRYING. I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME LAUGH INSTEAD. SOMEDAY, I'LL BE OK. THEN YOU CAN LISTEN TO MY LONG-WINDED SHOPPING TALE AND IDIOTIC FUNNY LIFE STORIES AGAIN, MORE SO IMPORTANT IS I CAN TALK TO YOU HAPPILY. AFTER TYPING SO MUCH, I'M STILL CRYING MY HEART OUT. LITERALLY. BUT YEAH I'M CRYING VERY HARD. AS HARD AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. THAT KIND OF CRIES THAT MAKES YOU FEEL OUT OF BREATH. DON'T WANT THIS, DON'T WANT THIS ANYMORE. AGONY. I'M TORN. NEVER HAVE IMAGINE MYSELF BEING SOOO EMO BEFORE. SOMETHING IS SO WRONG WITH ME. WHAT IS? I REALLY DON'T KNOW. IF YOU WANT ME TO SAY, I'D SAY IT'S MY WHOLE SELVES. I DISLIKE MYSELF. FOR BEING SUCH A BEETCH. MY DOOR IS SHUTTING DOWN. I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER BELIEVE IN ANYONE NEW. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SO PAIN & SORE. IF ONLY I TOOK JULY INTAKE. SO THAT I CAN JUST CRY ALL DAY & NO NEED TO THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE. BUT NOW I'M CRYING THAN LATER I HAVE TO RUSH ANOTHER SLIDES FOR NUTRITION PRESENTATION TMWR. LIFE'S JUST GREAT HUH.
MY MIND IS SO POLLUTED.
WHAT AM I THINKING. I'M GONNA TAKE A BATHE & AFTER SHOWER I'LL BE FRESH & READY FOR MY NEXT ASSIGNMENT!
I'M JUST GLAD THAT I CAN TALK TO YOU SOON, SO I MUST FASTER FASTER BATHE FIRST. :) I'M SUPER SUPER GLAD. BEYOND WHAT WORDS CAN DESCRIBE.

STONE

2011-04-13T04:23:00.000+08:00

FINALLLLLYY!!!

Done with my English presentation slide after gazillions times of re-checking and checking over & over & over & over again. When I thought of the crowd I'm going to have to face all the points will go "puff" disappear into the thin air. I'm done with it lar. So tired of politics. Funny thing is, I don't know why did I agree to do it tomorrow while I can choose to do this presentation on Friday. hmm, question mark.

But nevermind! One Down! Few more to go~

oh my eff god! tomorrow got calculus test! I totally forgot about it!! HOOOOMAIIGAWDDD

I'm gonna wash my face and study calculus. fyi, I suck in calculus.

*SCREAMING ON TOP OF MY LUNG*

Suddenly,I have a craving for peanut butter. Mmm french toast :D'' drooling.

idk man, idk. just, just be nice. yes, i'm selfish. i've no control over it anymore. & I want to be selfish for a moment. can't sacrifice anymore, I might bleed to death.

SUPER STRESS!!!!

2011-04-12T19:08:00.000+08:00

I tell you, I am dying. I have a presentation on current issue tomorrow, it is for English 101 AGAIN and I am doing the topic "Should Datuk Trio be charged on the publicity of the sex video. AHHH! I'm doing solo presentation!!! super stress. Maybe I should meditate. *ohmm ohmm*

So Stress LAHH!

oh kay oh kay, relax~ I should relax~ I am going to finish up my slide as soon as possible, and then I will rehearse my presentation. I will rehearse with confidence & I must memories all the important points! Without glancing too much at the notes written in paper. *breathe in breathe out*

Just by thinking about all the work loads is already giving me headache. Serious headache!

*breathe in breathe out* because I'm super duper panic/stress/#%*$^(*& I'm just super super, helpless. I know I know I must do this, I must go through this, this is what everyone is doing also. I must try my best :)

OKAY!! my very first not-so-emo post. haha. stressful much still.

GEAR UP!!! gotta do my slides, then rehearse. yea, I know I said that already. gotta keep reminding myself! Not to slack!!

7pm-8pm (slides & rehearse!!)

Can you believe? I've spent more than 3 hours in the computer lab and I had only came out with 6 slides?! I'm super duper slow. I think I worry too much. I should just go with what I have in mind. Hmm.. probably being worry too much about will only make my progress even slower. So yeah, JUST GO WITH IT!

8pm-9pm ( English Essay )

Yeahhhhh ENGLISH again!! I'll just come out write whatever I can do.

9pm-10pm (Nutrition Essay)

Weight management. need to be at least 1000 words. !!! exhausting man.

10pm-10.30pm (rehearse my slides again) jia you jia you!

1030pm-1130pm (google about next eng assignment. i forgotten what was it about. sigh. my memory ahh!!!!!)

actually, I really really wanna cry now. I'm super stress lah.

I'll hang on there and be strong. I'll be strong. I'll be strong.

I need a hug, please? ): *hugggggg long long and don't wanna let go*

i'm so glad.

2011-04-11T03:29:00.000+08:00

"THE REASON PEOPLE FIND IT SO HAD TO BE HAPPY IS THAT THEY ALWAYS SEE THE PAST BETTER THAN IT WAS & THE PRESENT WORSE THAN IT IS." -TUMBLR.COM

That millisecond I heard your voice, when you asked me what's wrong. My eyes were like leaking pipes. Tears had rolled down with no control. You don't know how glad I felt. How touched I felt. & When I recall back, I'd start crying again.

When the sky were falling and crashing down on me, you shown up and held the sky up high for me; when the moon were dimm' and the stars were hiding, you held my hands and guide me out of the forest; when I needed comfort the most, you brought them to me. I gotta stand up on my feet, again. & beat up the ugly monster engulfing me. I gotta start believing.

It is so weird that I am always so naked in front of you. It is like you can look through my heart or mind even from mile aways. & Yes, I like that I can be myself in front of you. Completely, without having to hide anything at all. I could only break down so easily, in front of you. There's no need to hold back anything. I'm always only so hundred percent honest about myself when I'm with you. & how I miss your voice.

Can you even hear me calling?

Tomorrow's is Bruno Mar's very first Live Concert in M'sia! D: I still can't get over the fact that I can't go. I AM VERY SAD, STILL VERY SAD. CANNOT LARRHH I WANNNTTT BRUNO MARS )': I WANT I WANT I WANT BRUNO MARS ♥ somebody,

Fuck My Life.

2011-04-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

FML

I've never been this stress before. not even spm. I'm like super stress now. super, more than you and I can imagine. tears just roll down my cheek without my own acknowledge.

I'm alright but not quite. Where is the shoulder I used to lean on? I feel like as if I have lose something, something that's very important. Please come back to me. If only I can express my feeling to someone who understands me. But there's nobody. No one is there for me to talk with when I'm at my most vulnerable situation. I don't understand why is life so hard now. I've had enough. This is seriously, too much to handle. No matter how much I cry, it doesn't get better. Perhaps I'd feel better but it doesn't last very long. Am I going to suffer one year? two year? Lord, please save me. My heart is still so empty but I don't know why. I'm not here to random write about something just to make myself sound pitiful or want to earn mercy from anyone. I'm just typing out whatever that I'm going through so at least I get to release this stress/anger/dissatisfaction in the form of text. Because this seems like the only way out considering I have no one to complaint to. Even if I do, I don't think anyone will understand (except you, if you're reading)& I probably would be too lazy to explain every single detail. Right now I have stopped crying, at least. I can survive another day :) omgosh, how did my life turns out to be this way? it's the beginning of my college life omg. started in such a sad way. Damn, I hope I can write an essay as fast as I wrote this post. Takes me forever to write a 500-750 words but takes me only about ten minutes to update a post. Yeap, I need to write a Definition Essay based on a movie titled Pay It Forward. I am just about to watch the movie online. I'm not going to explain further why am I doing this so last minute so forget about it. Looks like I won't be able to sleep tonight, too. My life is upsidedowninsideout messed up. FML.

I know I need to love myself again but no, I can't do that now. I really can't. Unless there's some sort of magic spell that can help me regain my confidence and optimism. Or someone.

I lost myself.

SOS ?

i am no more.

2011-04-03T18:08:00.001+08:00

Drowning. I am no more.
I have my bloody nutrition text book right in front of me and one big stack of papers for reference to do my calculus assignment, then a gorgeous looking white color vaio laptop sitting quietly on my long,white study table.
I am soooo , doom. I just can't focus. ( screw it, i'll just cramp everything tonight ) I feel, like.. a lousy, useless, piece of junk sometimes. &.. brainless sometimes. let's say I doesn't use my brain much & therefore it had shut down since after spm. man, this is sad. I am not going to bother my language in this post.. coz i have no where else or other way to release my anger/stress anymore. FML. the hell? why am I going thru all this? fark do I deserve all this? the fark..? Seriously, I think I am one of those kids that has been protected under a green house & once we are exposed to the outside world, we are crushed. crushed.
I have never imagine myself having to face so much problem and "life changing choices" like what I'm going through. College, future career, new friends, all the god-know what else shit I need to decide on. Looking back, I was always.. happy? optimistic? But now, I'm .. always complaining and crying. Which part of my has gone wrong? someone, experts, please fix me. & restart me.

I needa change my blogskin. it's starting to annoy me, every time I view my own blog, my own post recently. I feel like puking. alright, the sun is still shining like 12 o'clock when the clock is already showing 6 o'clock. I can't go out for a walk again when I wanted to.

Can I see the stars tonight? I need to make tons of wishes.

I don't believe in fairytale anymore. Prince Charming doesn't exist, so is Cinderella.

I realized the cruel fact in life again;

people only realized what mean the most when they already lose it.

i cried. 3 times.

2011-03-28T03:19:00.000+08:00

Hey, I think I love you. I don't know how I've became your everything in such a short time. It seems crazy but I know love happens anytime, anywhere at any age. I could sincerely feel that the love you have for me was so strong that you would sacrifice everything for me. You even thought of coming to KL to study, just for me. I think you'd fallen for me at the wrong timing. You had given me time. Although you rushed me from time to time, but it all came from your frustration. I feel your frustrations. Been there once. I know how much it hurts. I know.

I was having broken relationship.You came in as a friend. It did bother me in the beginning because I could feel you did not want to be just friend. You made it quite clear from the beginning. I'd let you be, which I figured it was wrong. I had used you as a rebound. I was so wrong. You realized the fact and I apologize. Hint you to back off but you insist that you'll wait. I should have just ask you to back off. But I didn't. Because I was sick of loneliness. I realized how powerful loneliness can turn someone into a devil. I needed someone to care about me. I needed someone to company. Although I realized I am doing the wrong thing. My brain will tell myself to not text you so often. But each time you text and ask where am I & why am I missing. My heart soften & I reply your text again. I still keeping your text. But I had deleted mine, I had deleted all those text that I texted you. Because there were not enough space to keep yours already. You said I broke all the promises. I seriously don't remember those promises. My memory is fishy. Some part in my brain is empty and useless. I know I broke a few, which I still remember. That I did not reply your text 24/7. Broke that. That I will treat you better. Broke that. I treat you worst instead by telling you good-bye. That I will sayang you. Broke that, too. It was because that time I did not realized that I was taking your for granted. I thought you would always be there for me. Because you promised you would never give up. Never give up on me. Never give up on me. & you kept your promise until the very end. Until today (29/3/2011)

when I gave up first.

Why do you even love me at the first place?

You said because I'm your type. Because I was special.

I never open up my heart to you. I shut it down to everyone else. Preventing anyone from going in to further destroy my already torn heart. But gosh, you never give up trying. Although you asked if you should back off sometimes. & even told me to go back to my past relationship. I know from the bottom of your heart, you are a fine man. Even when I heard your friends saying things like you're just crapping or you're crapping. I know, you have a fine heart. It just doesn't show on the outside. You may look tough but inner side of yours is fragile. You're a gentleman but I'm a kick ass bastard. You were with me thru thick and thin. Always there for me. Yet, I dropped and broke your fragile heart without any concern. Without bothering to reply your text. I'm sinful. What comes around goes around. This, what I learnt from you. I will remember. It will land on me someday. Maybe even bigger. I'm sorry, Tash. I think you deserve someone better. I'm an ass lar kayh. Seriously, look at me. backside face, saw?

I don't know when will I be fully healed. I hope it's not going to take years. I want to love again. I don't want to stay numb forever. It kills me. I don't wanna be afraid anymore. Help me.

This is agony.

I hope nobody will ever read this post. It's the ugliest side of mine.

correction : I cried four times.

wish I die once and reborn

2011-03-26T10:37:00.000+08:00

I wanna cry. I wanna cry in your arms. Can we go back to the beginning? I hate my life now. I hate my life. fuck my life. I want to be the happy girl again. I really hate this. I feel so ugly. I'm changing to the worse. Can you believe. Where are you. Come back please. I hate my life. I don't know what I want. I hate myself. I wanna commit suicide.I'v hurt so many people. I hate my self. Somebody please turn the time around. I don't know how am I going to face myself in future. Even now, already hating the face reflects from the mirror in my bathroom. How am I going to face you when you come back. I've lost my direction. Please guide me out of this maze. I'm missing you more than I should too. What to do. Told you not to pass me your notes. I cry every night reading them. Are you trying to kill me? Tears me apart. Salty liquid flowing out from my sockets, not bothering to stop. Not bothering to stop them from flowing. I've been too strict on myself. I've keep myself calm for too long. I want to cry just as much as I want. I can cry all day. I can cry and create another flood. God, I hate myself already. Just kill me. Hey, I think I understands your feeling now. I know how much it hurts to ask god for taking away your life. I scolded you, instead of comforting you. I'm so dumb. I guess what goes around comes around. I left you when you needed me the most. What kind of person am I? Heartless. Selfish. Because I didn't want to get hurt anymore. I was so so selfish. how can I be so heartless. How can I. I'm the worst person in the entire universe. Every time I cry and tell myself to move on afterwards. It just comes back to me from time to time. How, I don't know what to do anymore. Already afraid to love again. -helpless anonymous

One silent night.

2011-02-01T00:45:00.002+08:00

Now let me cry alone.

sour nose, bitter lips, salty eyes.

2011-01-31T23:42:00.000+08:00

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, TEACH ME HOW. GUIDE ME.

SOUR NOSE, BITTER LIPS,SALTY EYES.
WHY AM I CRYING OVER THE SWEET MEMORIES. IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL LIFE.

I'M SORRY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW NOR REMEMBER WHY I DID THAT. NOW THAT WE'RE BOTH HURT, HANGING BY A THREAD. KILLING US FROM THE INSIDE.

GOD, I PRAY TO YOU. LEAD US OUT FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.

take for granted.

2011-01-31T06:44:00.000+08:00

I can feel every single nerve in me taking you for granted.
I'm taking everyone for granted. I take whatever comes to me. But I never give. I'm so selfish.
If only I can click the undo button.
I don't know.
I'm so lost.
I can't sleep peacefully anymore.
I can't even pray now.
Living like a zombie.
Should I isolate myself from the world? No tht's not good but what else can I do. If an angel can guide me the correct path.
Am I going to lose all if I don't make up my mind? If I give up all will I end up all alone?
I don't knw what I want anymore. God, can you send an angel to me?
I thought I stopped dreaming. But I saw hope, but once I dreamt, you take my dream away.
Maybe I shouldn't even dream, or my dream was just too fancy. Reality is totally a different thing from Ideal. I realized that but I didn't want to stop dreaming, so I dream less. Wanting to only live for the moment.
I need my life back. or it has been here all the time, I screwed it up maybe. I should fix it. But tell me how.
I shouldn't blog, makes me grieve more nie. ish. but somehow I feel sliiiiighhhtly better after blogging. maybe because I get to crap out whatever that bothers me, or.. oh nvm, I just wanted to do something other than grieve alone under on my bed. I would only stare at the ceiling for hours. so why not start blogging to improve my english? HAHA. I know, it wouldn't improve much too. I still darn alot of spelling/phrasing/grammar errors. POINT IT OUT. hehheh.
found out about broken strings. mm hmm.. nice song.. james.. something.
Hey the sun is going to rise soon! Today will be a better day! :) I believe. I Believe.

Good Morning :)
Coffee or Tee?

wtfakk you want from meh.

2011-01-31T03:54:00.000+08:00

Nicole shown me this video once. I had the music stuck in my brain for a while until I heard it on internet again. :) awesome song.

& Yes Yes! He is darn cute. you know who I'm talking about! ♥

hmmm.. all the time?

I could sense/feel I'm loosing myself, slowly. I can't tell who I am. what I want and etc. I can't even shop now! I find all the cloths around are not interesting, for the first time. Suddenly, I understand why people cut themself , is to reminds them of their own existence. Pain reminds them tht they are still alive. Surviving the lonely,dark night. duh, I didn't cut myself. It's stupid. I rather take alcohol and hang over. Laughing gas should do better but I don't wanna do it alone so.. I'll just watch comedy :) I did laughed la. not much though. I fall asleep halfway.

I want to escape away but I knw I can't. I'll face it but I don't know what's right to do. Something told me to follow what said in my mind. "RUN!" nooo, I won't run. although I want to do so a thousand times.

.. safe meh.

Grieving under my blanket. Till Dawn.

I WANNA GO BRUNO MARS'S CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥

itchy throat.

2011-01-31T03:37:00.000+08:00

omgawd wth you want from meh

i don't dare to dream anymore. wonder if i ever did.

i want a necklace like this if that would bring back my dreams.

COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH! stop awhile. COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH!

Mygosh, can die man. Never really had such terrible coughing before. AHHHHHHH my voice so squicky :(
got up at 10 today. the rain was pouring from the blue sky. and lasted incredibly long.
We were supposed to go pyramid but OMG the jam there was craaazy! Mum gave up looking for car park and we end up at Subang Parade. Worst place ever to hang around. Not only that there's nothing nice to shop there, the enviroment also made me feel sleepy & worsen my sickness.=^= Feng Sui very bad ahh.
Anyway, there are always things that brighten up my day :D headed Pyramid for dinner yaw. Canton-I yo!! WANTANMEEE ♥ the best. warm & ajinomoto-less soup warmed up my poor throat :D hahah. so today isn't so bad except my throat was wanting to murder me. other than that, not so bad laa. EFF, I gained weight!? haih.. CNY coming.. worse.

that's all for now. damnlatedywei. DIE.
Oyasumii

so keyute!

COUGH COUGH! Day 3

2011-01-29T18:17:00.000+08:00

I feel like dying already.
COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH.can die :(
Okay, so nothing special except I took medicine a little bit late. So yeah, my life is still quite miserable now. I hope this won't last long.
Gawd , it was so hard to sleep yesterday. I don't know what's wrong with me. I never felt this way before. And since I couldn't sleep I spent the time by watching videos on YouTube. :)
Basically music videos. So here's a few songs I heard yesterday.

if today was your last day?

I'm torn.

Here I am again, crying over god-knows what reason. Hey I thought my tears had already dried up.

I'm shamefull. I'm so selfish. I don't know who I am anymore. Why. I really wanna die. Crazy life.

hand me a knife.

*stab myself & die*

Cough cough.

2011-01-29T03:48:00.000+08:00

COUGH!COUGH!
Here I am, lying down on my bed coughing nonstop .
I'm starting to worry if I'm having h1n1 because everyone kept saying it has return!!
Hehe, I'm using my mum's iPhone to blog right now because, I'm too lazy to type using keyboard. And tapping is so funn!! Tap tap tap tap tap tsp tap
:D

It's crazy to have someone knows you so well right.. I think no one else will understands me as much as he does.

Ohoh!! I watched AI on 8tv last night! Nothing very interesting but the last part, I almost cry.. It's so sad :'( if you had watch it you should know what I'm talking about.
COUGH COUGH! omg I wanna die. Byeee !

so here I am .

2011-01-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

Hello there, can I get a free hug..
I am feeling, extremely extremely weak now. I don't know whats inside my head but there's a lot of things running through my mind. Hmmm. & gave me headache.

Ah, my sister brought back her friends. its weird, they are all elder than me but they look waaaay younger than me. Hello, they look like they are 15 okay. seriously. but yeah, its good to look younger than older anyway. Just that, they look really really, childish. makes me wanna bully them abit. hahaha.
& guess what. They are staying over tonight.
Thank god I'm going out to meet the girls later. I wouldn't want to deal with her & her friends... my god, do you know they actually look down on people from government school. it's bad.

I'm desperate right now. I want a hug. UGH. THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZZZY. i know i know, let's take some drug & alcohol, that should help.

hahah. no way. I'm joking.
ciaoo.

why do you have to make me cry.. idiot..

2011-01-28T16:26:00.000+08:00

why do you have to make me cry.. idiot..

yeah.. the translation is quite funny but is that how you felt..?
I never really pay attention to the lyrics at all last time.. I thought this was a happy song..until you sent me this video just now. I cried like mad okayh.. I didn't cry so much ever since we broke up until just now.
Jay Chou wrote that song? I'm starting to salute him if he did.
I don't know why.. I so used to talking on the phone with you.. you were such a big part of my life.
I don't deserve you okayh, go find someone better.
I'm taking you for granted, silly. Realized that, please.
It's not easy to get over you. I miss you so much.. alot of things around reminds me of you. Blue reminds me of you, American Idol reminds me of you, Glee reminds me of you, football reminds me of you, Manchester United reminds me of you, Asiba reminds me of you, school reminds me of you, bottle reminds me of you, air-condition reminds me of you, Jay Chou reminds me of you, sore throat reminds me of you..many more.

Hey handsome, get over with your problems asap kayh! :) so you can regain your passion in life .
Hug.

I'm sorry..

I'M BACK

2011-01-24T20:18:00.002+08:00

Hello Lovelies ♥
I know, probably I'm talking to air right now because this site has been dead since, 1 year ago? Hehe. anyway, since I'm quite, very free recently. I can start blogging again I guess :)
& for those who tried to read my blog for the past, uncountable days; I'm sorry because I had privatized my blog due to my own personal issue. If you were to read my post that period of that, you would thought I'm some sort of crazy mad woman out there whom was lack of attention & need to attend counseling sessions.
Hehe. anyway, I'm fine now.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TVXQ COME BACK STAGE ON MUSIC BANK !!!! ♥

From 5 person down to 2 person :'( How I miss the old TVXQ. They were so perfect together.
Max & Yunho still sound awesome now. In fact they are still very good. But my heard aches when I saw their performance. They had to work extra harder now since there are only left two of them. Imagine how much hardship they had to go through. :'( I feel so sad for 'em. why why, I wish you guys are still in the same team. screw you, SM.hmph.

OMGSH, Mico Chai got straight A's for her O lvl's! She's crazily intelligent & smart okayh! omgsh omgsh I'm happy & jealous of her at the same time haha. She sooo smart!
I want to be hardworking & smart like her also. yish.
I should go bath now, apply lotion, sleep early tonight.
& SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL WAKE UP TO RETURN MY BIO TEXT TO PN. REETHA. & THEN CLEAN UP MY ROOM. & FINALLY GET A NEW HAIR CUT :D
I'm annoyed of my fringe now & I think my back hair is also abit too long now. Slightly difficult to manage already. & the major problem is, MY HAIR START FALLING AGAIN! WTH!
Hehee, I wanna look cute and sexy at the same time. HAHAHAHA. is that even possible? gosh did I sound like biatch..?

I miss the girls so much. They are college students now & I'm a mofo staying at home do nothing except day dreaming. should really do something more interesting.

Ohoh, I really really should start sleeping early man.. pimples breaking out on my foreheads! D':
&& I have something to share! Brands Outlet is my new favorite shopping place ♥ Bought a few cute tee from there yesterday :D I'm sooo happy.
now, I need to shop for jeans & long skirts! for college of course. & also a pair beautiful sandals :)

Chinese New Year is arond the corner yaw. I haven't found anything I want to wear during CNY yet, I don't really want to wear red but yeah I think I must wear red so, I don't know lar. see firstttt. Can't wait to go to Times Square this Wednesday~ ♥

Byeee :)

poor babe..

2010-10-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pj4N_QFnec

Loving this song right now. by Jason Chen & Verseatile. ♥

OH I feel extremely sad for my babe... His sore throat is not getting any better BUT worst.
Non of the doctors could find out the reason why .
Can you believe one having sore throat for more than 10 months? I don't know whether it is his psycology or what larh.. I feel so pain for him.
Really, I want to bring him to see Tabid Cina..
Sometimes when the western doesn't help, we should start seeking help from the chinese. The only thing now I'm hoping for is babe to stop crying & start smiling. I feel so sad and bad. I can't do anything. I want to bring larh but howww. God, please help us out. I pray.

233th post.

2010-09-12T16:10:00.000+08:00

Right, here I am. blogging after SO long.
I just had a thought that I should blog something about my life. Well, my life goes pretty smooth now as I have a GREAT boyfriend now & living in a bungalow which still seems like a dream to me. ( I'm trying to accept it. I know I sound like a bitch now but whatever. Not like anybody will ever read my blog after so long. well, maybe Wen Kiat will...)

Speaking of Wen Kiat.
I think I had mentioned about him in my blog before?
He's an awesome friend, and a very filial son.
His father passed away last month. I felt so sorry for him & his family.
aaand, I went to his father's funeral.
I cried like mad.
But Wen Kiat didn't even drop a tears.
He is as strong as Iron Man. or Superman.
especially when he gives his speech to his father.. I believe everyone who understands Cantonese cried after listening to his ever touching speech. He sounded, so proud , so powerful & prepared to be the man of the family. & to replace his father . Surely he carries a burden or better said, responsibility now. More than anyone of us.
Ever since I know this guy, I've never seen him cry before. I've known him since std 4/5.
He was a kid whom I met from taekwando club. He was in higher level than me. I was white belt and he was Red.
I hope Wen Kiat and his family will be fine soon. and pray that he gets to further his studies. I remember his ambition is to become a successful business man. & HAH, I always thought his father is a business man.

& oh, I LOVE GLEE.
shit.
I need to study already.
*so angry at myself!*

Ciao !

UGH.

2010-07-15T00:32:00.000+08:00

Feeling ridiculously tired now,
Feeling ridiculously full now.

If my parents have not bought home any supper, and insist me to have some , I would have done my karangan half an hour ago.
If my dad hadn't talk about jokes on the dining table, If my mum hadn't tease my dad about his repeated more than hundred times lame joke, If I didn't not join in their chat, I would have been sleeping right now.

UGH. now that i'm all so full , tell me how should I go to bed.
UGH. I still have 3 more paragraph to go.
UGH. I wanna watch Glee so badly.
UGH. i want babe.. :(

off to do my karangan!
MUST PRAY HARD TONIGHT.
Mr. Tan... please don't call my parents >-<

i feel so lost.

2010-07-09T18:03:00.000+08:00

Lost.
I feel so lost.
As if I had let go of something that meant so much to me . now that i'm empty inside.
I wanna get my life back, but it seems so impossible unless i reborn.
so funny, so stupid, so naive.
Anthea is such a blessed one (smile)
I always adore the way she treats and look at things. shes always a happy person :) though she have too much obsessions over KPOP and cute faces like our friend's little brother or even worst, our classmates now!
It'll be so great if I could be as happy as her.
Ever since I was born, I am very close with my sister until one point whene she made a friend who happened to be her best friend in primary school &.. things happened & I didn't talk much to my sister anymore until one year ago, then only our relationship gotten better. It took us about 3 to 4 years.
It was very hard for me to endure all the pain, when my sister neglected me but at the same time shes getting hurt by her friend. Oh , did i mention that I was only 12? But sadly, they are no longer friends now..
It's quite weird.. I don't know the reason they broke away from each other but they used to be so close, so close.
Me and my sister even stayed at her place before. Her house is very far away from my house..and that was also my first experience to stay over outside kk house. frankly speaking, we had heck alot of fun. And.. I was so naively hoping to at least feel the existence of them in the house because i was such a curious kid.
I even made one of them my so call "pet-brother".
and one more thing, I made her my pet-sister too. I used to love her so much.

I still remember one of them wished me good luck in UPSR. still have the letter inside one of my drawer. I treasure it like diamond . (:
you guys must be wondering who are them. I was told to not tell anyone so I think i should keep it to myself until one day when I finally get the chance to meet them, then I shall ask for permission to spill the beans here. I really miss them.
I used to hate that my sister got me into a miserable life ( i exaggerated, it was only one year) but oh, I'm old enough to think rationally now. :) I should thank her for giving such an extraordinary experience and allow me to make friends with her friends. oh i was such a nerd before.
Those days were one big part of my life that I bet I will never forget it.

anyway, i effin' hate p1wimax. it sucks to the core.
don't get cheated by it ad. it has a limited usage that you have to make it last for one month(which is bloodyhell impossible) OR if you finish using it by 14th , the speed is so freaking slow that requires you to wait atleast 30 minutes to watch a video that only last 3 minutes. then all you can do is wait untill the next 14th and the usage will RENEW. there you go, the speed is super fast and the usage space is decreasing with time.
so, be wise. =)

oh my god, i ranted so much about my past.
URGH. no mood to go tuition.
dance class is canceled, and it will only reopen in sept. :'(
dancing is the only time i get to relax and release all my stress in a week time. :'(

:"(

Annie wants to use this computer now, sayonara people .
*Bow*

thunder and heavy rain.

2010-07-08T16:07:00.000+08:00

http://smkkkprom2010.blogspot.com/

Hey People :)

Feel free to visit the link above ♥

I had put alot of effort inside and i hope you guys like it. However, I'm still working on it as i wish to make that site look better :)

Hopefully i could find a way to insert pictures in between

right, this is my blog I should be ranting about myself. ;/

I'm fine but not so fine. (wtheck?)

I don't know, man. I feel so dizzy these days. I can't think logically OR sometimes I would doze off.

But oh anyway, Thank god my addmath is improving for I had attend for tuition classes and did exercises (: Praise Lord~

ah, talk about camping ! :D

Kem Perah was the AWESOMEST camp i've ever been to! ♥

Amazing Race was the boom. although it was the toughest camp i've even experienced but also the best.

I never imagine to be rolling in mud or even apply mud on my oh-so-sensitive face.

I had no more fear after the camp. seriously, no more fear.

Hello,

I rolled on mud, tasted mud, had natural mudpack mask, ran so aggressively like I never did before, set up a trap etc.

I have no more fear (except for en. khairul the renjer, he scared the hell out of me at that particular station)

I was so happy that we had campfire ! =D

only if we had mushmellow! aih.

but oh well, we had heck alot of snack to share anyway (: the last night we shared together could not be any better ♥

I believe that night was a moment to remember for that four person ;)

I pulak shared a few topic with Andy So and Chen Wen Kiat .

Hah, anyone of still thinks Andy is gay? You would not think that way anymore if you had attend this camp. Andy was so man and mature okayh.

the way the scold his group members totally impressed me. So now you know, whenever Andy is without his haruna and anime, he is a true MAN.

Zhen hao pulak kao lui during camp. could he be the second playboy? HAHA.

oh, Night walk was awesome ♥

Pokok Kapur (Dryobalanobs aromatica)! superb laaa !!!

there look so darn beautiful.

♥

north to north network

& oh, can you believe this is Azraai's 15th camp & Naufal's 9th camp ?!

hopefully I have time to update more about this camp :)

more photos are with Pn. Caroline.

off to club! Vivian fetching , woots!

♥

saturday is happy day !

2010-06-12T12:50:00.002+08:00

♥

it's saturday~

love saturday :) i'm going to spend the day with all kind of fun things i can do ! hehe

by the way, have got to remind all of you that 20th June is Father's Day alright ! so , quick , go and plan something for your beloved daddy ♥

i'm going to bake something for him :D wanna make him feel very touching & allow me to go Genting next Friday! umm.. shyt.. farther's day clashes with the genting trip. errrrrrr, think about it later.
heeeeehee :p i will bake delicious cake~ wanna make him proud of me

anyway, stayed at jocelyn's place after dance class until 8 . :)

forgotten my phone at her place eh, aiyoh. nevermind larh~ collect from her when i see her again some other time :) i still have house phone right.

my throat is getting dryer these days ; / very funny feeling; as if there's a permanent fish bone inside my throat, poking me each time i swallow saliva.

♥ so cute !

*gasp* so cuteee

AWESOME

rose pattern ring & ear rings ♥

"~ i wanna be a billionaire~ so~ freaking bad ~ buy all the thing that i ~ never have ~"

random.

2010-06-11T10:53:00.001+08:00

nothing much to blog these days, i'm pretty bored at home.

& oh, when are we doing the magazine's senior column, zy? we can't drag any longer right.

aaaaaand, someone has to plan a meeting between prom committees.. anyway~ today is 11 June 2010.

yeah.

FIFA WORLD CUP !!

i bet all the boys are more than exciting today. i support England anyway :D but i heard about Brazil winning World Cup up to 5 times. that's a lot.

anyway,

i have got not much things to blog these days. really. i'm about ten percent rotting already.

someone, please, take me out ♥

ugrhh, my slander never last.
my new slander was already half spoiled on the first day i bought it from times square. thanks to the rain that caused it to sink (- ^ -)
now it felt so thin as if i'm walking bare footed.
at least it still looks pretty. :)

oh i reaaaaaally need a bag :( actually i want 2 . hehes

♥ so cute

:'( i can't sleep properly through out the whole night for the pass 3 days. for i can't stop thinking about the heels from Shoes Obzessions in pyramid.

its really prettyyy ♥

my mum liked it on me too , i was excited that she might buy it for me but when she asked abot the price... i know it won't happen.

the price is not expensive but it exceeds my mum's "budget". :'( her budget for my shoes nvr exceeds thirty alright. haih. i'm emo. :[ heels ~

oh yahhh, what are we suppose to do for addmaths project laaa.

i don't even remember the fringgin' website . there are even complete answers if you browse through google. i might as well just copy.

i want to watch movie :(

have not watch a single movie ever since holidays started eh. KILLERS :)

urrr.. somethings wrong with my throat..*swallow saliva*

painted all my nails blue :]

woots

i can't believe ! my sister offered to fetch me to tuition next time when she got her lisence !

i'm very impressed with her kindness these days. & she would tell me all the people she met during her driving lesson.

HAHA

Dass speaks pretty fast, so my sister doesn't understand when Dass talks to her, she just nod and don't give a damn even he's actually teaching her. she's so funny. Dass kept telling her about she is not listening to what he says.

can't wait for her lisence !

computer lagging. bye ♥

w t f . pissed me off !!

2010-06-08T23:23:00.000+08:00

i am, very pissed off right now.

i hate how my mum acts every time when i told her i'm going out shopping with my friends.

normally when i ask her about going shopping, i don't really "ask". i just tell her that i'm going out.

Because ! Ever since I've grown up until 12 years old i supposed.. not sure. I stopped asking money from them except transport fees,tuition & two ringgit every schooling day for recess time. other than that, i use my own savings.

I'm not a money monk, & i have needs like every girl does alright. cute top, shorts,accessories, flats & heels, bag etc. no girls can resist any of these except this funny girl i know from my school.

which explains why all my ang pau money flew away in just 3 months time. wtever, don't judge me kayh.

i still save rm2 everyday right?

i couldn't save much in the beginning of this year. because we have soooo many stay backs this year !!

staying back means i have to spend money on lunch. though i really appreciate those who had treated me lunch before, they're very sweet :) but still, i'm very broke.

i used to stays back 4 days in a week ! lasted for a few months . why? choir, library duty, chinese class, history extra class. it sicken me about staying back after school for quite a long time..

ya, my mum.

so yeah ! i DONT HAVE money. i am NOT RICH at all ! my parents are, i am not . get it?

my mum, its true that she spends alot, on herself. but she earns it by herself so i'm not gonna say anything about that. but i often thinks that i'm her daughter & don't every mother has a hobby of dressing up their daughter? maybe not my mum ..

i used to fantasize her spending money on my clothing.. she does, once in a blue moon. and i appreciate every appearance of blue moon.

so fine lo.. i use my own savings to spend on whatever i want to spend on. so i don't need to go through all the fighting and argue with my mum about $$ .

i was really broke since march (when my ang pau money finished). & i am still very broke.

& what's worst... :'(

i have not go shopping in timesquare with 'em babes for 6 months already kayh.. ever since i moved in Bkt. Rimau. is this a cursed place?

♥ i miss hanging out with them.. D:

most importantly, i planned to buy prom dress from t.s because its cheap ! ughh... my mum doesn't understand.. =.=

ahhhh... i DON'T UNDERSTAND whhhhy on earth that my mother never fetch me to anywhere (except for dental appointment or sometimes if she comes home to take some stuff then go out again & coincidentally i was about to go tuition)

other than that, she usually just say :" ngo mm joi ga. " ( i won't fetch)

so cruel...

today also when i asked her.. she straight away CANNOT. walao. i almost burst into tears. i didn't shop for sooo long dy.. thought she will allow.. some more i clean my room.. :'(

then i had to beg & beg & beg. she showed me that look , as usual.

& wtf, my brother is annoying.

anyway, i fed up arguing with her & just left.

aiyah..enough babbling about my mum already..

whatever larhh.

i'm going to chill down by drinking lots and lots of ice drink !!

comes from deep inside .

2010-06-08T08:13:00.000+08:00

i miss you. all i think about is you.

Pizza My Heat

2010-06-07T14:35:00.001+08:00

Montebello & Prestoloni

woots ! :3

have any one of you watched Pizza My Heart before?

Staring Shiri Appleby as Gina Prestolani, Eyal Podell as Joe Montebello .

Eyal Podell is sooo hwat in this movie ♥ hehe

♥ his eyes :)

there is a soundtrack in this movie called give a little bit of your love to me by Clay Aiken ♥ very nice

he was born in Tel Aviv, Israel. Israel ehh :)

he was born in 1975, meaning he is 35 now.

hey , he was raised in Hong Kong ! does he speaks Cantonese?! very curious. omg, he acts in so many tv show which is showing in hallmark channel. Crossing Jordan, ER, Without A Trace, CSI ! i never knew except for ER.

In 2006, he was cast for the role of Adrian Korbel in the soap opera, The Young and the Restless.

read the sipnosis from internet, quite an interesting story line . i hope i have time to watch it today :)

♥ he so hot !!

OMG

I just found out that Clay Aiken came from American Idol !

wow, he really does look like a nerd before. hehe. omg, Christ Daughtry too?!! wait a minute.. Simon Cowel said no to him on his very first audition. why? (wonder..) aww.. his wife is so supportive..& emotional. hee.

browsed through youtube and watched a few video on American Idol.

the first person who comes to my mind to search about was Adam Lambert. ♥

his voice is superb eh.

Adam Lambert Sings "Cryin'" by Aerosmith

Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta - Slow Ride

& i love when he "screams"

Kris Allen, Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey, Allison Iraheta, Matt Giraud, Anoop Desai, Lil Rounds, Scott MacIntyre, Megan Joy, and Michael Sarver . Top 10 of American Idol performing a group cover of "Don't Stop Believing'"

so many videos today. enjoy !

tee hee. purple nails.

2010-06-06T23:37:00.001+08:00

babe.. what's wrong.. i can't read your mind..

i still ♥ yu.. very much.

anyway~

i painted my nails ! ;D

soooo happy ♥

okayh, forgive my vanity alright. i'm just so hyper these days due to lack of sleep. i slept at 4am yesterday ; together with my mum, sister and brother. hehe. we gone wild 'coz it's holiday ! & we 'cause went fun fair too :D
i think also because we ate KFC until 1030pm and thats what kept us awake .. :) mashed potato is yummy. heees.

peace ♥

"o-ger" xp

♥

remember i said i will bath Jojo and tiny up a shelf this afternoon?

right, i did bathed Jojo but i did not do the second thing on the list..

Because i realised that i will need a hell lot of time to paint my nails. you know.. apply one layer, wait for it to dry off; apply another layer, wait for it to dry off; apply........ i have to apply 2 layer of base, 3 layers of nail polish, and another one transparent layer act as protection.

alright, if you don't understand the meaning of pungent smell. come near and smell at my fingers nails !! ;p teehee.

awww.. so adorable ~~

blow dried her using my hair dryer. seriously, i should have had recorded how she acted when i blow drying her fur. she look super "princess-ish" & my gosh, i was like a maid to her & shes the boss of mine. haha.

she is very adorable.

ughh.. my back aches..blog too much today.

found Ru Ting's blog from fb today ♥ her picture with a HUGE spec is so freaking cute.

5 more min. to Chan Hao-You's birthday.

Happy Sweet 16th , my grand-child :)

going to bed now. ciao !

py ra mid

2010-06-06T15:40:00.001+08:00

♥

Pyramid - Charice ft. Iyaz

just awesome

there are another one called studio version. check it out from youtube ! personally i prefer this one.

enjoy !

F U N :]

2010-06-06T14:11:00.001+08:00

♥

my day brighten up ever since wk & zh started texting me eh (:

had a walk around my house area and found out a super quite house area, & there was no fence surrounding and it looks like it connects to somewhere else.. Sri Damai perhaps.

i was tired of walking already so i decided to continue this adventure next time.

met Naufal on my way home. heh, he spotted me first. he was cycling and he waved at me :)

what a coincident .

then,

my mum said we can go to the fun fair ~~today~~ yesterday ! :D

super duper happy ♥

changed and headed to recycle old newspapers first , then bought some fruits from night market. drove to carrefour afterwards.

heh, the flying chair was kinda exciting !

it was the only thing which catches my eyes. others just look less exciting to me.

HAHA. my mum wasted 4 tokens & gotten an small fugly monkey thingy. she played the game where you can simply scoop up a duck and there are different alphabets underneath the duck, represent different gifts. obviously there will be more alphabets of small gifts. her luck was Okay. slightly below the average, a small monkey toy.she kept saying woah, damn expensive. damn expensive .

me and my brother laughed so hard. HAH.

met Tsing Yu & Yean Li there. they tookt he UFO while i took the flying chair with family.

i screamed. Lx

my sister screamed weirdly. hahahas.

oh there was a lady operating a newly opened game store. she literally screamed to the microphone. damn "nyaring" alright her voice. betahan

it is something like a BINGO game, but slightly different where we're in a fun fair evolving so many people~ so each people will have one board consists of colours and numbers. each board are different from another.

so yeah, you can imagine. she will scream the colour & number in combination.. for example "KUNING! DUA PULUH LIMA !" yep, got 5 pairs, just raise your hand & bingo! you get a price.

oh i wish i could upload the photos !

anyway~

went inside carrefour & woots ♥ met Vivian.

she was with her 2 other siblings, it looks like as if they went there by themselves where i don't see the existence of her family. of 'cos not.

my mum planned to buy the nudgets only which is on a promotion now, but we ended up buying a huge chocolate chiffon cake & another marble cake, a bottle , campbell mushroom soup and blah other things. oh oh ♥ ta pao KFC home :D

so happy. my mum looks happy too . :)

such a long time alreadywe did not spend time together .

feels so warm and happy.

happy ~

(cry) i couldn't upload the photos.. D':

aiyoyooh, internet connection at my house is really slow. screw p1wimax alright. ish.

& wtheck, my sony vaio pisses me off all the time. stop the lagging larh!

ISH.

i'm going to bath Jojo :) she stinks.

then.. i'll try to tidy up the shelf i messed up during last exam period..

i'm going to paint my nails too today ! ♥

i've grown up

i'm far mature than you think i am

♥ just visited Bianca's blog. GAH, her rings are horribly gorgeous ! i want Diva Rings.. :(

suckyourtumb,cutyourtongue.

2010-06-05T01:06:00.001+08:00

you suck.

don't talk shit to me, or i will break hold. you know my patient ain't good at all.
i'm not a fool.

i would love to make the first move if you like, my pleasure actually. mature or childish, let it be 'cause that's me.

yes, it's personal

enough is enough. fxxx it,alright.

(♥)

met Chay Lee ~~today~~ yesterday at McDonald's !

we chatted non-stop about sooo much thing. oh, the first thing we ever mentioned about was the ever famous "mole boy" in our class.

we laughed so loud xD

we were talking about his behavior throught out the exams, if you recall of the way he usually sits.. & what he said to Pn. Ruhaizah when she touched his shoulder.. funny like shyt kayh.

CINA & BABI are his favourite quotes eh . haha.

♥

she told us about her experience on bisecting frog too ! cool right?

she told us about the stupidness of her friend on handling the frog. HAHA.

according to the girl, that was this super fat and big frog inside a normal transparent tupperware where you can obtain by buying 'tau fu fa'. to make sure the frog stay alive, her friend made a hole on the tupperware, which was huge ! resulting the frop to escape ! Freedom~ haha .

here's a list of must-do during this holidays ♥

- Bake something !

- Polish mah nails :)

- Tidy up my bedroom.

- Practice add math.

- Go Shopping !! ♥

- Go Genting :D

- Watch Movies !!
oh i want to watch so many movies : Prince of Persia, Shrek, Lovely Bounty & etc. :) watching movie eases tensions. its true.

love spending time with mummy ♥ heading carfour with her tmwr :) promisi hebat eyh.
♥

:'( i broke my one of my favourite cup on Thursday night.. which is quite meaningful to me, as it represents my first working experience at samaria.

r.i.p , ♥ cup

Jojo broke into my room when i finished changing for tuition yesterday. awww she was soooo irresistible cute! she rolled on my bed and she has this super adorable pair of eyes, begging for something ! couldn't help it , so irresistible. took a few photos with after fooling around with her.

just look at her ♥

close upppp, too close.

"hey"

"woots, camera !"

"i'm so sad .. my bf dumbed me.."

ohoh, here's a video worth to share

L.M.A.O

♥

btw, Happy Birthday Jean ! :)

oh, know what. whatever, bring it on loser.

wthell

2010-06-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

what the hell.

you think i was stupid.

fyi, i am much smarter than you.

i'm not your toy.

what the hell.

don't talk shit to me.

Hypocrites.

p i s s e d m e o f f

you & me .

2010-05-30T20:30:00.001+08:00

♥ this song ; by Olivia - You and Me.

a fresh, calm and peace voice.. and a slight sweetness mixed together made it sounds so great.

♥

Taking a trip down memory lane

Things have changed One thing remains

That they will always have each other

And even though those days have gone

They know here is where they belong

Theres some kinda magic in the air

Feel the warmth

That only summer breezes can bring

Sweet little notes of spring begin

Nothing to fear

Taking one step at a time

Walking hand in hand

1 2 3 4

Cheek to cheek

And theyre learning How to do that dance

Let this love be forever more they say

I wish for this, to be true for you and me

Holding her close he leading the way

Out at the park Enjoying the Day

And you can tell theyll be ok

Feel the warmth

That only summer breezes can bring

Sweet little notes of spring begin

Nothing to fear

Taking one step at a time

Walking hand in hand

1 2 3 4

Cheek to cheek

And theyre learning How to do that dance

Let this love be forever more they say

I wish for this, to be true for you and me

Taking one step at a time

Walking hand in hand

1 2 3 4

Cheek to cheek

And theyre learning How to do that dance

Let this love be forever more they say

I wish for this, to be true for you and me

To be true for you and me

You and me

shouting like a wild animal.

2010-05-30T14:59:00.003+08:00

♥

hey babe

i am in such a LAZzzzY mood. ain't no spirit to study at all . roar .

hell i don't want to fail my chemistry , got to dig in success chem. after blogging. :) before i suffer, i wanna enjoy this sweet moment blogging bout my vanity today & randomness. sry kayh, am too bored.

so yesterday 29th of May. was my fourth bm class at PTAG. i was late for an-hour

right, because my mum brought us to pyramid !! how can i miss it?

she said it will just be a fast trip 'coz wei wei wanted to buy a few books only. i followed anyway, for the sake of getting out from my house.

*i was LUCKY*

mummy was in such a good mood ♥ she spent on our shirt ehh~ :) bought 2 top and 2 skirt :D

ain't very matching but hey! my mum bought them for me :] grateful ♥

woow wow, there is more

she bought the lotion for me , too

♥

honest speaking, that body lotion is quite expensive.. maybe the reason why it cost that much is because of the brand.. it is from Beauty Credit. :) a korean brand yaw.

i love the scent ♥

woo yeah !

darn lucky yo, my sister gave me a little present too ! =D

a awesome woodoo doll ♥

having it hang on my phone now.

late for tuition but hey~ i got an opportunity to know about Resha's matters :3

♥

i knew it, Resha!

yeah, you've got to go slowly eh , use your most powerful weapon all the time! your oh-so-sweet smile ;)

good luck !

*WBAM*

my honey plum , anthea low pui san

♥

so keeyute , right?

she makes me laugh all the time, she gets on my nerves all the time too. too ... naive.

hahahahahaha, she's going to rip off my skin if she sees this.

she thinks she look good in this picture anyway (:

& she had me sent to her phone !

hehe, look she's laughing proudly.

here's another picture where i saved from People Of Walmart.

goshes.

that's why boys should wear branded underpants.

recently, i've found alot of my cousins on facebook. all of them are elder than me. oh, all of them are either working already or still in college. eh, they transformed freaking alot kay.

though they were pretty enough before, they look smoking hot now!

and a few of them are in relationship already ♥

want to show to all of you eh !

they are awesomely gorgeous people :)

~~*facebook has a problem.. can't even go in the page, will upload pictures asap*~~

Janice Jie Jie ♥ they just started a relationship not long ago :) he came back M'sia from .. US i think. yeah, Janice Jie Jie managed to put some pounds into him because he seeeriously looked like skull before this (: look! his face is round already! aaaww, sweet :3

Nicole Jie Jie ♥ She never look older within 5 years. guess how old is she ~

Jia Wen & Jia Qi ♥ both of are studying arts & design at KL yo! i always think one of 'em look like my elder sister , annie... is it because of the smile and nose ah... mm..

pretty right? ;) 3 out of four are taken yaw,

till then,

♥

JESUS CHRIST ♥

kay, time to study.. :'(

bye bye ! muacks ♥

you're my eyes and ears, i need you to cheer up babe .

2010-05-28T20:34:00.000+08:00

No Velvet Rope Here

Two things. 1) I'm beginning to doubt the exclusivity of your V.I.P club. 2) Until somebody can wear these pants right, I still have a "Very Impotent Penis"

North Carolina

uh uh, I didn't take this picture kay. i ain't the one who stated those too. browsed through this website and found this hilarious statement. i know, it is quite offensive. just for the laugh, kay. :)

aaaanyway, i have quite a nice day eh! except now that this laptop i'm using is experiencing very bad internet connection problem :( BUT, i'm still in a pretty mood :D

ahhh~ listening to music through ear phone~ ♥

no more dealing with the noises come from the tv upstairs. =) *oh yeah~ ♥*

oh, have you been to temple today? it's Wesak Day yo . Sadly to announce, I didn't go again this year. yup, i was absent too last year at temple. wait, i don't quite remember.. yeah, i think my family doesn't really layan Wesak Day. my mum looks the most reluctant to go eh.

Actually, i woke up darn early today 7:30am and was looking forward to go temple eh.. my mum woke up during lunch time! (sigh)

lucky i doesn't have it today.

i curi a few photos from huda's facebook. sorri eh :p

* Drums Roll ~ *

T A D A !

5 Science 2 of Smk kota kemuning Year 2010 ♥

Shawne the epik poser of our class ♥ & Wee Liam sure is heavy eh, our poor Superstar Chen looked suffered.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.. Anthea look super funny here. just LOOK! wahahahah~ kay, i'm being mean.

what hurts, she doesn't browse my page ;p

shhhh, don't tell her kay.

just for your entertainment =v= (evil)

hehee, she wouldn't mind larh, she looks like American Next Top Model okay~ ♥

kay you look great here , honey. =) what a Bright Smile ~

Shawne and I look busy eh, i was in a progress to pick up a watch dropped from no way; & he was taking out his Gatsby Wax for candid purpose yo. so well prepared right?

credit to Nurul Huda from 5 Sc 1 ♥

oh oh, watched Glee episode 3 at Anthea's place last yesterday before bm class :) i'm in love with Glee already ♥

♥ this part.

enjoy the video .

these video ! i love these song too :)

ohoh, our Vivian Heng Wei Yean has got her L license ! :D what a great news. kay her number is 016-xxxxxxx. call her now! she can fetch you anywhere you like ;) hehe.

that's it for today ♥

i'm off to watch Merlin back to back episode :D marathon already began! bye ! :]

back to back episode.

2010-05-25T16:28:00.002+08:00

hey yo!

miss me? hehe

i should be studying biology for now..

:) anyway, i'm taking additional mathematics tuition again at ptdd starting next month! ooohhh i realised that if i ever stop any tuition, i would stop studying for that subject.

oh i just realised one thing . my blog's page looks different from one computer to another. its looks soooo effing nice if i open the page on sony , but it looks sooo ugly now when i'm using dell.. i'm talking about the text that appears. so much bolder and bigger . :( now that i have an urge to change my skin. till then, please look forward for it ♥

:( i can't transfer file using card reader.. *sigh*

oh i really like this song ♥ though its in korean, the melody is really ~ something .. should i say.. heart wrecking?

it is from you're beautiful ♥

anyway, if you're in such a bad mood now, here's a picture which atleast bring up a smile ;)

gear up!

BIOLOGY~~

i don't feel like going chemistry tuition today.. how.. *confusing*

a very late post.

2010-05-16T12:14:00.001+08:00

hee ;)

okay, first and fore most, Happy Mother's Day to my mum ♥

oh anyone of you watches Iron Man 2? it was superb ! it was a more than 2 hours movie.. but trust me, worth watching it. Jeffrey suppose to be there too :(

anyway, 4 kids choose to watch Ip Man 2. it must very impressing, bacause 3 out of 4 of them cried at the end. Khai Yi was the only one who stand strong. haha. Hui Jing Anthea & Vivian can't stop talking about it after movie ; while Khai Yi kept posing like Ip man. hahs, it was hillarious though.

we shall move on eh?

Anthea leaved us at 2pm to go to Cheras with her family. she ran up the opposing way of the elevator to get back her purse, i should have recorded that! :D Then,

the guys had a decade discussions on where to eat lunch. finally, we ended up in Full House. :)

took a few pictures with hui jing & andy while waiting for the arrival of deserts

♥

we put on almost every accessories from Full House ;p just for fun.

♥ oh Andy was so kind, treated us with mcdonald ice-cream. ;)

headed home around 6pm. Oh, found something really cool in pyramid that can be use for decoration on prom night this year =D weee~

in addition, this is my club picture! ♥

formal & candid

Librarian of SMK KK

bad quality of pictures, i know. but these peoples are seriously fun and friendly !! i would like to highlight on Fatin, Hafizah, Ain, & Our President Khai Yi-form 5s

and oooh i love these people too! Farhan, Lilly, Annereena, Joel, Megeshan,Engku Syariful & many more ♥ there are super cute alright !

no one could be any cuter than Farhan when he speaks vulgar languages; though it's not right.

and oh, see, one malaysia ! :)

5 May 2010

Jocelyn's Birthday &

Klang District Inter-School Choir Competition 2010 ♥

we won the forth place. though we didn't win the first place, we had great memories & experience.

frankly speaking, personaly i was very impressed by MGS's performance. but they got second place.. where got fair.. oh well.

yeah, we will have another competition in August at Subang Parade! :)

guess what, the best conductor in klang was awarded to Yeoh Hui Jing!! conductor from smkkk =D super proud of her yo ~

3+6+1+3+2+6+5+2+2=?

mwah~ ♥ smk kk rocks!!

*this was suppose to be posted on mother's day..will add more photos in future. my laptop broke down again :( *

empty.

2010-05-14T00:16:00.000+08:00

Empty. I feel empty deep inside, as if someone has munched away part of my heart. Then i realised my brain ain't functioning very well, I ought to thing way too much things now a days. Crying ain't gonna be a good solution . What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I'm too afraid of all the possibility; though i keep telling myself: don't stop beliving, don't stop.. It must be the little oh-so-paranoid worm thats wobbling in my head. Edison should have invented a device that can get rid of theses worms. Taking one step at a time, walking hand in hand.. feel the warm that all the summer breeze can bring. My eye bags are worsening day by day, before i look like a vampire, i should get some sleep already. Oh, 5 Sc 2 people~ pls go to school for our group photo ya. I have a feeling that a few ppl won't go.. sigh. Btw, send in your individual picture also kay :) to make sure our class page look the best , we must BERGANDING BAHU seperti BERAT SAME DIPIKUL, RINGAN SAMA DIJINJING kay? oh, can't wait to watch the drama on teacher's day. everyone is giving compliments on the practises already. :D

hate you? love you?

2010-05-03T00:31:00.002+08:00

Hi.

Didn't expect me to update so soon?

I was surprised too.

Got back home from matahari clubhouse and found a wifi machine on the computer area. *shocked*

that explained why i'm updating my blog..

this is a... good and bad news, right. good thing that i can spare my very free to go online instead of studying.. not good at all if i can't control myself . RAWR x 10000000.

i'm mentally exhausted..

"spiteful words can hurt"

how many thousands times do you want me to repeat.. i'd lost count of how many times your words had hurt my feelings.. hell, i never win in any of the comparisons you mentioned. i'll go get a sharp knife and eat my heart away instead of letting it breaks into thousands of pieces.

stop crying , before dawn.

I hate Mondays.

i will have to spend about 10 hours in school on monday & monday has assembly. i never like assembly.

what made it worst, i'll have to walk home after duty. screw my ex-transporter.

he ditched me.

lucky to have Afiq's dad fetch me and naufal to school every morning ever since i stopped taking transport. I was hoping that Uncle Foo to fetch me so that i won't create so much trouble to Afiq and Naufal..

but he hasn't reply me yet.. :'(

sounds sad..

oh, here's something to brighten this gloomy post.

choir is going to perform tomorrow during assembly!!

we are suppose to be at school before 615am. i know i won't make it. so, i'm sorry..

practise without me people.. ever since i moved to bukit rimau.. problems keeps popping out from no where.. i can't deal with all of them.. am very tired. physically and mentally. whatever you wanna say i'm exaggerating or what.. can someone pull me away from the chair now?!

kay, i'm going off.

toodles.

random.

i wanna name my son Tyson.

i know i've mentioned it before, just repeating it :]

i was cursing you at 12:54am.

come back stage.

2010-05-02T16:37:00.000+08:00

I ' M B A C K

it had been a looog time since my last post, and this page became ~~kinda~~ very dead.

the thing is, i have so much yet so little to blog today. not in the mood :( since i don't have much chance to come over matahari club (too lazy to walk here) for instant, i'll keep you guys entertain with some pictures :)

Cup Cakes !!

oh yes, it was my first time baking all by myself. ahem, my brother was my assistant =)

hee, forgotten which day it was. my mum was in such a good mood until she was willing to buy a mixer and a lot of baking ingredients. I was thrilled :D so i spent the whole evening baking these cupcakes.

i had a huge headache counting the correct amount of flour,eggs, and sugar.

**** i forgotten to add chocolate chips on all the chocolate cupcakes. hehe, half way baking i just sprinkled some on it.

and then...

T A D A ~ !

Very the Syok sendiri after tasting it.. and also because it didn't burn. :]

Now & Forever by Danielle Steel

this is a very nice book you see.. :) though i am only half through . i got bored of it until the draggy part. but hey, it's really good . Danielle is a very good writer. only i'm the bad reader here. i never had finish reading any thick english novel before.. i know, "lame". i'll try to finish it.. maybe.. after i finish taking SPM . hehe. :p

Nicole Joann Toolseram's Sweetest Seventeenth Birthday Surprise

on the 1st and 2nd of April, Nicole Joann Toolseram had received FOUR surprises in total.

first was the absence of Jocelyn and Jasmine in school, second was the presence of 'em in Sunway Pyramid. :D Third was the secret recipe cake her parents bought for her and forth, this surprise party ♥

organized by Jasmine Cheong & Damien Loo. :] venue : Jasmine's place.

me, jasmine, nicole and jocelyn went to Melissa's serving in the morning then told nicole to go over jasmine's place for movie. :) that was how we got her there.

we had so much FOOD :D mashed potato was super duper laku.

Kevin RC was the one who did all the barbeque, damn kind right :) and oh, we also did bbq on marsh mellow ! my very first tasting it. it taste SUPERB. hahaa. many of us chipped-in for nicole's heel & Diva rings as her birthday present, together with a hilarious birthday card. ♥

crazy night.

all in all, SURPRISE!!

Full House ♥

taste darn good. highly recomended!! =D

♥

hopefully all of the above will keep you entertain for a week ya :)

muacks!

babe, hug me!

2010-01-08T21:55:00.003+08:00

♥

oh yeah ♥ i love hugging ~ hugged so many people today~ hehe. ohgosh, I think I have this desease of consistently losing people's stuff. Can you believe I lose Naqiuddin's co-curriculum slip .. It just slipped away from my hand, I was holding 4 people's slip kay.. but only managed to get Wee Liam into badminton club. hehe, I went like cikgu dia wakil selangor! then teacher sign his slip right away~ muahahaha~ ;p hehe. ughhh, i seriously don't want to be in basketball club .. but ANYWAY~ i will not join school team, no matter how hard they persuade me like last year .. :'( I will NOT let the sun burn my skin or collect more scars on my legs anymore.

I have sensitive skin ;) prrroud of it. meh.

Oh, Andy gave me a effing cute key chain! one of the character called from One Peace ♥ love it & iappreciate it much. He also gave a calendar card with the backgroud of Luffy to Zy. so nicekan.

& Wen Kiat gave me an Arsernal key chain, number 4 yo ♥ captain Cesc Fabregas~ :D i would like to show-off some of the gift Nicole gave to me too :) a effing cool t-shirt and some souvenirs from Bali ; has got a Bali key chain in it too! hehe, a souvenir from Henn Jian was also a key chain ;) super duper cute ♥ & a beautiful pink purse from Afiq , he went for a vacation at China. :D woohoo~ I love my friends~

By the way, Happy Birthday to Parveen Raj! :)

that one on the left side.
hope to see him again, really. :) we used to be in same class yo. I remember when we were form 1, he sits in front of me and joey with Brandon Ho. haha.. I did not understand why i dislike Brandon Ho those days, oh, because he stolen my sits. oh well~ i love him now kay~ :D i can tell both of 'em are meant to be best friends. he is currently studying at SMK Damansara Utama.
all the best yo =)

I wanna hug people everyday~ ♥
=________= i'm easily annoyed by my father .. i somehow hates it when people who calls me by full name (especially in weird tone), i always thinks that family should not call each other by full name .. it makes me feel .. we're not family ; it just sounds rude to me. hmm, except special situation llike if you're saying it jokingly .. or if you're pissed with me [ don't be pissed with me :( ] then its ok

good night =)

whatever you name this post.

2010-01-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

*ehem
just a short update. :'(
So yeah, today's the second day of school ; and my second day in Science 2. so far so good eh .
Finally, I am wearing the 'librarian uniform' hehes. I bought the wrong uniform, so I borrowed the skirts from an angel named Chan Yi Tang ♥ A little too long though .. ooor, I'm short? nah~ hehe
Finally received name tags too , today. The design of it seems to be altered .. weren't much like what I expected .. hmm .. I don't mind though. Gotta buy school batch tomorrow.

Oh, I volunteered to photocopy Biology notes for sc1, 2 & 3 today .. Err.. Things weren't as simple as I thought, at all. I didn't know teacher has that much of notes .. 22 pages? for 3 classes. :O
I was unsure about the price I'm charging them as if 5sen would make lost or not, so i asked my mum's secretary.GAH, I was.. kind off correct? Have to at least charge 7sen . According to Sharon, the paper itself cost 4sen already , add up with the ink will be a total 'amount' of 6 point something .
This part was fine, I could explain toteacher & 'em very understanding friends about it. The toughest process was PRINTING .

I have 22 x 105 papers to print out. banyak giler .
Realised I would run out of papers, so I decided to print for Sc2 & 3 first as these classes has Biology class tomorrow. I was correct, I was running out of paper when i finished printing for the above classes. phew ..
Daddy though I was insane & told me not to do this silly stuff again :0 .. I ain't silly ....
But, I admit I was a little naive when i try to collect one by one from page 1 to 22 and staple it. When I stapled the second set, I gave up. It's insane, 22 pages okay~ try to collect 'em one by one from the floor/ long table then staple it. You'll probably gone mad when you finished .. 20 sets?
so... Sorry.. I probably can photocopy for my class only next time.. D:
I must say, Hong Jian is super duper CUN to be able to photocopy notes for us form 3s last year. incredible.
shyt, i missed chemistry tuition today.

♥

Oh Oh, Suuuuppppper Happppyyy! Lily See Mun Ling watched You're Beautiful & has good comment about it!! Shin Woo is cute isn't he :D I must say a million Thank you to Hui Jing as she had asked me to watch this drama OVER & OVER again last time, when Anthea didn't seems to bother her at all. Hah! Anthea should regret it~ hehee~
Oh Oh, Jeffrey has joined Science 2 !! C=
Poor Jocelyn .. she can't stand the noise in her class ..
Ughh, En. Suresh still able to make me fall asleep.

got to go, good night babes. ♥

Taking the first step

2010-01-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

Taking the first step

By Trecia Tan Shu Hui

LAST month, I went to my uncle's house for the school holidays. My cousin has everything, from PS2 to iPod Touch to an impressive DVD collection.
I was there for 21 days and they were quite meaningless. I just realised that now. So what if I've watched more than 40 movies? Or played a couple of video games? Or caught up on my favourite TV series?
So what if I've spent more time in front of the computer these last threee weeks than in the entire year? All that just wore me out.
Yes, I am sad to be back home because my mum is kind of grounding me. This is like what happens when summer break ends in the United States, except that it's summer all year round there. The thing is, it's time for me to face reality and do what I'm supposed to do. It's time for me to grow up ... until after the SPM. of course.
Believe it or not, I've learnt a lot form my stay. I learnt that I may have watched 40 movies, but only a couple of them are memorable, so I've wasted about 70 hours of my life. I learnt that completing all levels in a video games is only satisfying for about a day, and isn't worth getting a blister on your thumb for that.
I learnt that the computer isn't everythig, although it means a lot. I learnt that getting celebrities to tweet you back is exciting, but getting someone to praise you in real life is much better. And I learnt that blogging is interestingm but nothing beats writing on a peice of paper.
I also realised that one thing that I've been denying all long - I am addicted to the computer.
At the start of 2009, my class teacher told me a story about a very smart girl who scored all As for her PMR examination. Then her parents made the mistake of getting her a laptop as reward.
The girl couldn't control herself. She was obsessed with ome computer gam and started to skip classes. Her parents took the laptop away. She threatened to starve herself so they gave it back to here. She locked herself i her room and just played games online. At last, the school expelled her for skipping too many classes.
I know my "addiction" isn't that serious. But the three weeks make me realise that if I had a laptop of my own, I might end up like that girl. The fact is I had falen behind in various subjects month ago. And if I were to retrace the "cause" of that, I'd say it started when I had a twitter account. Blogging just made things worse.
I couldn't sleep last night. Why? Because I thought monsters were going to attack me. I had watched a horror film earlier, so that was perfectly normal.
But the second reason why I couldn't sleep was Physics and Chemistry. These are my worst subjects, partly because I don't like them. To be honest, I couldn't catch up with Physics even before I started twittering. But it made it worse. I could have spent more time on revision, but I spent more hours blogging.
And Chemistry? Well, I was lost over one chapter. You know how some chapters are related to each other? So I got lost in all of them.
Actually, I've thought of all this before, but they never kept me awake at night. Then I knew what triggered it.
My eldest brother has received an offer t take up an Honours degree in some finance related subject at Melbourne University. He is this smart guy in my family whom everyone worships. My parents have been scolded by him but they didn't give him the "respect-you-parents-because-we're-older-tha-you" lecture. Dad's password even has his initials on it. (Don't worry, you can't hack it.)
My parents even wanted to name our new puppy Aussie because he is studying here. Of course, I objected vehemently because it sounded vulgar in Cantonese. And you can see the glow on mum's face whenever she mentions him to some stranger.
My brother is this clever, perfect child in mum's eyes. And she expects me to follow in his footsteps. She has lost hope in my second brother, but since he is charming and athletic, he can survive in this huge, dangerous world.
As I'm socially awkward and not that athletic, I need to be smart. Although mum doesn't expect me to score the same excellent results as my brother, she does expect me to ace my exams.
Although I'm cross with her for placing too much hope on me, the thing is, I know she's doing this for a reason. Sometimes, cliched as it sounds, "it's all for your own good" is true. That's why I'm taking my first big step.
Which of course, is to come clean about my addiction. This is why I'm writing this article.
The second step is to quit blogging because is takes up the most times. The third is to stop using Facebook. That should be easier because if my friends really want to contact me, they can always text me.
Finally, I have to stop tweeting. That may be a bit difficult. I can't really quit cold turkey because, well, an addict is an addict. Apparently, they don't have some patch or gum for it, unlike tobacco ..
So, I'm taking the last one slowly and just try to cut down. It may take a few months to really quit. By then, let's hope I would have caught up on lessons. Maybe, who knows, the SPM might be over.
I'm on my way to step one now. And I'm going to quote the late King of Pop: " This is it." Wish me luck!

Okeee dokee, finish reading the article above?
Right, what written above was not from me at all, i copied and pasted it down from The Star newspaper published today. Then what am i doing this for?
When i was wrapping text books at the dining area, my mum was reading The Star, sitting right opposite of me. Then she began like this to me after she read this article,: "May Gee, read this article. It's talking about you." *grin~*
I was like "huh?" I replied OK, after I finish wrapping these books, mum.
Yes, what I read was exactly what i post above.
hmm this post is going to be LONG & BORING. kindly leave if you don't want to continue reading.

Right, I do have cousins who has everything, from PS2 to iPod Touch to an impressive DVD collection. Rich cousin, yes. I did not realised things like what Trecia realised after her stay , although I've stayed at my cousin's place before too, mostly 7 days.
No, my mum did not ground me at all during holidays. In fact, she gave me all freedom. Of course, my mum advised me from time to time about my studies, I should not go out so often, better do your revisions before its too late, make a timetable, manage your time .. I know, I understand very much but my mind and my body cells doesn't seems to be connected, they don't cooperate you see. * I am giving more and more excuses ? *

The girl who was rewarded a laptop.
I guess my mum was referring this part as "It's talking about you".
BUT my "addiction" certainly ain't as strong as hers. I do not want to be like her in anyway.
The fact is I had fallen behind in various subjects months ago. If i were to retrace the "cause" of that, I'd say it started when I had a plurk account. Oh yes, Blogging just made things worst.
But the second reason why I couldn't sleep was Physic and Chemistry........etc.....So I got lost in all of them. I felt like this whole paragraph as I was the one who wrote this article. This is exactly talking about me!
*ehem .. * The reason why I'm taking my first step is exactly same as Trecia's.
Err.. i will quit Facebook first? ehmm.. sounds impossible but i would start by signing in once a week.. maybe .. twice a week?
I already stop plurking .. so Stop Blogging? No way.. maybe i will just try to cut down a little.. Oh ya.. Perhaps some day i would get bored of blogging ? Who knows? By then .. i should only on my laptop not more than 2 hours a day.. watch tv programes not more than 2 hours a day.. sleep 9 hours everyday .. 8 hours in school .. i have a total of 3 hours left to do these : bath, practice piano, "fa dai", exercise, study. Enough meh? *sigh, 24 hours are not enough..

Zen Yang & Jeffrey came to "laugh" at my stupidity today , esssh?
Oh, two " chun ddei " didn't how to navigate to read updated post? hehee.. I forgive your noobness :) Kidding~ hehe..
behind a thin pillar, best spot to hide yourself eh Zy~ I can't spot you at all~ hahaha.. just kidding~
They were being incredibly funny~

sigh, school starts tomorrow~ gear up, people!

This is it.

2010-01-01T19:54:00.004+08:00

The first one-sheet for Michael Jackson's final concert film, pieced together from hours of rehearsal footage.

Micheal Jackson's

THIS IS IT

yeah i know i am a bit slow at this. hehe. i've watched it online just now with my family members. it was

COOOOL.

The film opens with a short text introduction stating the purpose of the footage and its intent "For the fans...". Then i remember this part where this huge green screen rehearsals for the video vignette for "Smooth Criminal" , with dress rehearsals of the song following, including parts of the vignette intertwined with the dancing.

MJ performs a rehearsal with dancers which he alters and changes as he goes. He stops once only to report problems with his earpiece. He speaks so softly even though the earpiece already hurt him for hours.
The filming for the "Thriller" vignette is the BOOM.
Jackson is then seen rehearsing "Thriller" with the vignette intertwined like that in "Smooth Criminal." During the dance sequence, puppets are suspended in the audience aisles while Jackson emerges from a robotic spider originally seen in the vignette. hmm that part seems a little fake but who cares.

Jackson and Ortega rehearsing the 'cherry-picker' is seen next, along with Jackson rehearsing "Beat It." :D Jackson was creating the ending he wants for the song, a long drum build up in which he tears off his jacket and burns it. i don't entirely get this part though. but it was cool =)
The video-sequence for "Earth Song" is shown next. Jackson then performs the song both onstage and using the cherry-picker, with his voice being heard at the end telling of the dangers of Global Warming and the lack of reversible time left.
At a sound check, Micheal performs "Man In The Mirror" with strong backing vocals. i must say the backgroud vocalists are freaking freaking awesome. The film ends with Jackson with his arms extended on stage with the message: "Michael Jackson King of Pop Love Lives Forever."

AWESOMEEE.

what i wrote above were pretty much copied from imdb.com. that is because i couldn't express the awesomest of the movie/concert with my current English level. if you have not watch This Is It yet, go on and watch online or borrowed a dvd. Don't missed chances, anymore.

All hail the King of Pop, MJ.

Happy New Year !!

2010-01-01T15:12:00.000+08:00

♥
Happy New Year !!!

it is the very first day of year 2010 , did you miss the count down yesterday? if you do,never mind, but don't miss it for this year new year eve!

and yes, we form fours are officially form fives now and are going to sit for our important exam eg, SPM/ O level/ A level and so on. everyone start sighing already? so i've been told that i dropped to science two next year, i'm hoping for better teacher. Pn. Reetha for history subject!! please please PLEASE teach me history . & i have another one great great reason to stay positive in science two =)

but i'll definitely miss 'em in science one especially Nicole, Vivian, Afiq & Henn Jian. science one rocks too =) & i certainly hope for Jocelyn, Andy & Jeffrey to stay in science two.. :( move on.

stepped into 2010, its a whole new begin =) i've marked down a few new year resolutions ! ♥ almost same as the one listed on Reader Digest. hmm... ooh well.

1. Get Organized.

mostly, sleep EARLY. hehe. and study consistently , i've figure out that i'm not the last minute type.

2. Learn Something New.

Belly Dance~~ i hope i can master in rubik's cube, hehe. don't ask me why. and yeah, Bake. :) or, one skill i can use in kitchen except cooking instant noodles.

3. Lose Weight.

shhh, people always put on weight during holidays. eesh, don't consider the abnormal ones. ;p ahahah.

4. Get Fit.

exercise consistently. i've been giving too much excuses past year.

5. Get On Top Of My Finances.

start saving MORE. ~~only spend money i have.~~

oooh yah, i'm going to start buying magazines this year. 2010 yo :)

gotta catch up with the latest fashion aannnnd paparazzi right? haha, joking, i enjoy reading magazines more than newspaper. as both are beneficial to me, i pick magazines..and newspaper =) that way i don't know how my money is going to be saved. ooh well. collect more pocket money, yes. tighten my belt! haha

IF belly dance class will be canceled again next week, i really am thinking i'm the wicked one kay..

right, skip number three ad four. number 5... that's the hardest to achieve. Haha.

agree?

so yesterday was New Year Eve!

i've spent it in Kevin Ravi Choo's place ! with 'em babes & a huge bunch of boys. ahh, i miscount the liquor & smokes. we had Domino's , nuggets and sausages :) we get to watch 13PL scene ♥ as there were 2 couple in the house.

and I've learned a new word from Kevin; white but gao.

ahahahahaha, he meant the liquor, he diluted the whiskey with water it looks really really diluted with plain water. he drank it and goes like this " deih, WHITE BUT GAO deih ! "

Ok, one guy named Andy hooked on to Nicole ♥ as being the only one with camera in hand, automatically became the camera man =) anyway, these are the pictures

i effing want to upload the video up here. but..i shall ask their permission first perhaps.

*tuuu, uploading unsuccessful. try again later.

all in all, i had a good time with my friends on the last day of 2009. :)

Listening to : Two Is Better Than One by Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift.